Social Exclusion

Basically a sit rep on life at the moment.

Alcohol has now battered my body into a form of submission where everything now feels saggy and like a massive weight on every single part of me.  Despite working less on a pc at home now, more so than ever, rsi has kicked in with a vengance.  I could and perhaps should go on but the 4 people a day who come across this blog  never read this crap anyways.

I don’t sleep in a bed room no more, the torrid month of August has seen damp in places where you dont think its possible. Leather belts seem to be mutating back into a cow with the organic crud infesting on top of it all

–
1620

Back to blogging again. Just had one of those conversations where people are finding fault with all and sundry and yet no real positive vibes from anyone.  Its times like that I miss Kari being around as she was a battler on, well not my side, but the whole company.  This is wrong that is wrong and no one comes up with ideas, up I step to the mark again to be met with more wrongs.  The end was a question of giving up and letting everyone speil out what they think.

Issues are heading towards us that have been pointed out today, all of which were met by a shrugging of the shoulders and no answers  One person only has so much creativity, with a battered mind, soul and needing to sleep, its not the easiest of things.  Bearing in mind with some decisions a team decision is needed, thats not happening either. God the list is endless at the moment about work, however work is work and need to keep that out of the blog really.

Back to my sit rep.  Money wise… fuck….

Car – 350 quid to get her back on the road
Van – New breaks on front.. Shall we call it 150
Rent – 320
Cat bills – 100 quid to pay
TV Work – 35 quid to pay

Well thats pretty much the wages gone before Ive even woken up in the day.  Must get the pc up and running tonight and ebay off what I can, if I can afford the fees.  If I get google adwords up and running, do me a favor and just click one!

So trying to find the positive now then.  Home time in about 20 mins, back to the damp pit, sleep, wake up, try to eat, goto pub which is going to be infested with a hen party or people that will be going to a hen party. Yey.. cant wait for that (sarcasm)  I did say that I wouldnt go tonight.  Another night in the corner but if i make sure that my phone has charge at least I can geek out a touch.

Match.com update
Coming up to week 1
16 views by 9 people
12 winks sent
1 wink received
2 emails sent
0 received back (including from recieved wink girl)

Need food and sleep so will blog more laters.  Going to be frigging hot tomorrow tho as the mist is rolling in.

‘Red Dwarf’ to make digital return – Digital Spy

‘Red Dwarf’ to make digital return

The cast of Red Dwarf will reportedly reunite for a series of new shows to be broadcast on digital channel Dave in 2009.

The Sun states that Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn and Chloe Annett will appear in four 30-minute specials that will combine new material with classic footage of the cult BBC Two sitcom

Red Dwarf ran for eight seasons between 1988 and 1999. Numerous attempts to finance a cinematic version of the programme have failed in recent years.

Co-creator Doug Naylor stated in 2007 that the BBC had opted not to pursue a ninth season of the show, despite its previous commercial success.

Weekend update

Friday
__________
3rd week in a row that friday beer has been called off for one reason or another. Fair enough that everyoen has their own life style and own things to do now.  Even Kari appreciated and loved the hour or 2 we all spent together on a friday and even when she wasnt with me would take that away from me.  Shame no one else shares that senseability.  Friday night was the same old same old, get home, sleep, did I eat, really cant remember, then off for a walk down the local and just sit at the bar.

However I did see the lasses that I went rowing with 2 week ago ( forgot to blog about that as they did offer for me to go for after fowind drinks with them but i declined) Maybe they were pissed, one is definataly a lesbo, the other isnt but loosing some hope in men and made the smallest of chats possible about of embaressement of me recognising them.  Same old same old.

Saturday night
————
Sam and steve had a in house party at their house. Everyone was there tonight, i say everyone but me. Sorry as much as I wanted to go you dont walk into a lions den when you know its a sympathy invite.  It would of been no better than a thursday night in the local.  At least if I am in a pub i can remain annonymou to an extent.  Its odd knowing your work colleagues (notice I dont call them mates) being in the same sociable atmosphere as  you and you dont even get a hello.  I get a cursory glance and thats it.  The people that came down here with my ideals and views are now the people who ignore me.

I cant blame people tho.  I just wish I had done the same, realising that friends were nothing and concentrated on kari a touch more than what I had done. Fuck…. I hate the word if with such a passion.. If this … if that.  All I know is that its sunday night now , im blogging and ive not spoken to anyone since friday….

Most memorable moment is when Im in the pub and the ex landlord owner sits down next to me and looks me in the eye and says

“mark…..you look like a beaten man.  Ive seen you at the the top of your game and now look at you, the way you sit just shows how beaten you are”

Cant argue with that… I appreciate the honesty

Sunday
——
Yep im blogging again.. some stats
Ive not made it into my bed into over a week
Its 1.45 am
its been over 34 hours since I had a coversation with  a human
decided to leave specialtech
suicide has been narrowed down to 3 options

The Internet Dating Saga – Match.Com Pt1 of XXX

Aparntly with the TV adverts going on at the moment, match.com have too many women on an internet dating website.  So here goes on that one then. I will firstly write to them and ask them to back up such a claim.  They must have stats to let me know and if not a law suit will pend and we all get lots of lovely money to boot as well.

Thats why, if you dont find someone special during your 6-month subscription, we will give you an additional 6 months FREE to continue your search. At no additional expense to you. (But youll have to do your fair share. After all, love is worth it!)

So.. How this all works…

1.  Sign up for 6 months
If you dont find someone special during your 6-month subscription, we will give you an additional 6 months at no additional cost to you to continue your search.

—- Ok thats a bit crap. I have to shell out 60 notes to get blown out by the 10 matches in my area…

2. During the 6 months I must
Create a truthful Match.com profile with a photograph and keep it visible to the public

– Ok no problem there

Respond to, or initiate communication with at least 5 Match.com members each month through the Match.com service.

Each.. month… thats 30 people.  1 a week I have to get blown out to get another free 6 months from this.  Easy..

Now for the small print…

1. You get selected for the 6 extan months.
2. Comply at all times.
3. Reply at all times.
4.  You have to scroll down for this…
In accordance with the Terms of Use, Match.com will automatically renew those subscribers that do not qualify or comply with the Terms of the Guarantee Programme into a non-guarantee standard subscription to ensure continuous and uninterrupted access to his or her subscription. A subscriber may turn-off automatic renewal of the subscription at any time after purchase

5. atch.com reserves the right to modify, suspend, or cancel the 6-Month Guarantee Programme at any time and without notice to you.

What the fek. So they can pull it at any time?

Quiz Night

Thursday. Another day another dollar.  Tonight’s, or rather, last nights excitement was all about going to the local, hopefully hang around and talk to a few people and have a few beers.  The last few weeks that’s all I’ve really done is just mooch up and down solva hill and look for a distraction and something to stop me thinking about kari still.. nothing is working

I remember a while ago having a chat with my dad, him looking at me and just coming out of no where that Im a lonely person.  Yup aint that the truth, further backed up from yesterday.  My friends were there but in their “unit” with my mates girlfriends family.  Ok so there is a chance to mingle but the seating arrangement was in a circle so no chance to sit down and no offer of sitting down.  Two weeks in a row now this has happened which is fair enough in reality.  My company isnt the most sparkling and witty as per the “old days” so who can blame people for not wanting to converse with me.

It is a touch odd when you know you have friends but they are in their own world, after all we all have our own circles and time spent with family and that sets me to thinking. Did I do the same when I was in a relationship?  No.. Is that right or wrong.. I have no idea, perhaps if I had focussed on more of me and been a touch more selfish then maybe.. who knows…. and thats where I am now

If this… If that… To the point now where its beyond eating me up and looking for solace at the bottom of a glass, meanwhile her and this neil jenkins fella are living it up in happy land. (thanks facebook.. again)

As odd as it sounds I can actually remember the last tim I smiled, properly and I even have the picture to prove it (facebook) the last picture that we took together.

So why dont I go and get help for my now apparent depression. Well in short its not possible. The local counciling units can help me with support… in 6 – 8 weeks time.  The doctor cant prescribe anything for me because of my past medical history.

Add “Take Ownership” Option to the Windows Vista Context Menu

Add “Take Ownership” Option to the Windows Vista Context Menu

Error message when you open Windows Media Center TV Pack and tune to a channel that is listed in the Electronic Program Guide: “No TV Signal”

Error message when you open Windows Media Center TV Pack and tune to a channel that is listed in the Electronic Program Guide: “No TV Signal

Error message when you open Windows Media Center TV Pack and tune to a channel that is listed in the Electronic Program Guide: “No TV Signal”

Xbox News: Rumour: Guns ‘N Roses ‘Chinese Democracy’ track on Rock Band 2 – Official Xbox 360 Magazine

New York Times is reporting that Shackler’s Revenge, a track from the infamous Guns ‘N Roses album Chinese Democracy, will feature on Rock Band 2’s songlist.Advertisement:What makes this story news worthy is that Chinese Democracy doesn’t even have a release date, having suffered from numerous delays over the years. Recording for the album originally began in 1994.So consider this a rumour for now but if it’s true, then we can guess one of two things – either Chinese Democracy is close to being released or Rock Band 2 will never be released in our lifetime.

Xbox News: Rumour: Guns ‘N Roses ‘Chinese Democracy’ track on Rock Band 2 – Official Xbox 360 Magazine

Song list

Songs that just make sense in the world right now.

Pink Floyd – Wish you were here
Peter Frampton – Why my guitar gently wheeps

minibook™ Ultra-Portable Laptop |Specialtech.co.uk -

I really need to satisfy my gadget lust at the moment.  Being a road warrior as well and  the ideal geek who needs something because I think that it @might@ come in useful I came across this little Ultra-Portable Laptop….  Boasting WIFI, SSD technology, 3 x usb ports I really am struggling to find a decent fault with this for the urbanist warrior in me…