Running out of cliches

It’s true. I’ve run out of famous cliches but o think today’s would have to be simply crestfallen.

In tesco on the phone and bump into the ex. That it itself was ok as we just swapped simple pleasantries and passed each other in the isle. Her little lad pops up and ask “who’s that mummy”. That’s just a touch heart breaking but kids grow up and mice on quick, I know this more than most with my life being what it was and is.

None the less till quite hard to hear it even though you know it’s coming.

As she leaves she doesn’t look back, that’s not her style, there’s a look from the outside in where I see something that almost looks like she’s lost. Yeah, before anyone says it I could be reading too much into it.

The final kicker of the day is that it’s
Obvious she’s looked after now with clothing and nice hair to boot pushing a very expensive pram. She walks to her brand new car.

So here I am in a beer garden, having a beer being attacked by wasps.

At the age of 34 I’m still where I was at 31. No job, never had a pay rise or a promotion ever.

Oh and a fly just landed in my Guiness.

The Job Interview and pregnancy news.

Well that went ok, not brilliant but not bad and walked away from it thinking that I didn’t get it and I was right. The little voice in the head. That’s what you get for being the first person for an interview on a Monday morning.

I waited to hear about the job til today (thursday) but life hadn’t quite decided that I was going through enough stressing to see if I had the role.

What the hell is going on.

Right ok, so when did I start going off my rocker when getting drunk, causing arguments, almost causing fights, almost getting into fights, upsetting people, kneeling on my knees in the middle of a road wanting to get run over.  Something is not right in my mind and I’m fucked if I have an idea what it is.  Oh did I mention this happening, my blacking out and not remembering a thing?

rubbing it in.. cont.. part 2.. again

Well the email that I sent out of no other reason than wanting to clear the air has bitten me on the ass.  It was meant in no other way, shape or form than to be clearing the air and being nice, a thank you.  No.. not with me it seem’s its been mis interpreted.  Fuck is it that hard just to do something nice, from the soul, being fucking normal without it going wrong.  NO. Fuck, remember Im the guy that had the chance to be me, normal, not the arsing, dick wad arrogant cunt that I was that night.

And that as they say.. was that

Following on from the last few days and everything that’s gone on Im glad (yeah right) to say that this whole sorry episode is over and the obvious looser here is me, hell you gotta make it easy for the other side.

Doesnt this ever get easier

Fuck sake yet again, will this ever get easier.  Guess whos been in touch today after freaking months?  An ld pain resurfaced in the chest that hasnt been felt in a very, very long time.  That sort of imploding exploding thing, kind of like a black hole forming right in the middle of the rib cage.   This is a pain which I hoped deep down I’d never have to feel this intense for a long, long time and tonight it’s back.  I should of know when I jokingly tried to ask out a lass in the last few days and got turned down because…

Happy anniversary

Yep. A couple of years ago we split. Was fine with it till she just got in touch out of the blue after more than a few months. Coincidence?

Trying to find the positive

happy family

But that’s a lot harder than you imagine, there are 2 readers here that I know of that take notice and the rest are people looking at lilly allens tits or Jennifer aniston doing that semi topless shot where you can’t actually see the goods.    Increasingly this blog is a place that is a goto place for all the bad and the bleak in my life, the  times that when I don’t spend blogging are when life things are happening, however things have taken a darker turn.

Hmm shouldnt get that drunk

Mental note to self do not power drink yourself into oblivion where u start googling how many pills constute an overdose and then contemplate doing it

Happy birthday me

My friday the 13th experiences, part 1

Wow, just how odd was that time of the year for me in more than one way. Irony seems to befit me that one of the best nights ive had in such a long time. I’ve long since lived in a world of harsh realism, seeing things for what they are in my view and my experiences, right or wrong my thoughts are just based on that and indeed how I lived my life. Moreover what may be the end of this blog is the person who created the need to talk to people when there wore none.