Can’t describe how gutted I am after a few weeks of practise, better diet, swimming to nothing I show for it.

Sad I know but I had dreamt of playing on finals night with a massive crowd and all that.

Proof if proof were ever needed the harder some try the bigger the fail. Guess I made that 1% of those who try and fail.

Intensity is the only way I know how to be competitive in pretty much anything I attempt to do.  Those who know me from times of old will know what I mean and darts is no exception.

I remember one such competition where I was put up against a bloke who on the practice board was banging scores of 100+ for fun.  He was my pick to win the competition.  All day my darts had been awful no matter how hard I tried and how long I practised my scores were beyond the realms of being a abysmal.

I think that day I practiced for about an hour at home, another hour SOLID down the local then then another solid 45 mintues at the event itself.

At no point did my darts get better, the arrows were still drifting in and out of beds as if I had been playing with an air conditioning problem (bdo darts reference there)  Before I knew it my time at the oche had arrived, pitched against the the bloke who was touted to decimate the competiton.

I honestly wish I could remember more about the game but the next 15 min past passed in a blurry bling of an eye and somehow I came out the winner.   I don’t remember much about the darts, scoring or the technique involved.  I do remember scoring that well that atone particular point where I stopped and did a double check and realised that I was on the finish.   Boom, arrows find their target for the leg and the next one.  Through to the next round, shocking pretty much everyone in the pub who had been watching what had been legendary arrows.  Not that I knew any of this being so far in the zone.

I believe it was a combination of sheer intensity on focus which helped me win the game.  Luck probably was there in the wings, looking on and seeing what was going on yet I don’t think that was the main winning strength.  If luck had been on my side my next match would of turned out a whole lot better rather than the crushing defeat.

There have been similar games and matches since that day where I believe I have only one just due to the sheer level of intensity and focus.  It;s off putting and I know it as my body languge reeks of confidence, an almost bullying demeanour, a steely determination throw each and every arrow straight, true and with purpose.  Sometimes it’s the aura which brings about a win not the skill itself but a win is a win.  This brings me nicely onto my problem. How do I bring myself to that level of intensity on demand?

Why must it be random?  Why must all attempts to play out of my skin meet in failure apart from that one very lucky day where it all comes together.

Is anybody out there has a recipe for consistency please get in touch

I failed.

At least this year I escaped parents saying happy new year. Thank lord but life then decieds thats the right oppertunitny to kick me in the balls.

2012 in so far.
0001 on Christmas day (aka boxing day) brakes fail on my car.
Boxing day. Running around no real crap to speak off.
Day after boxing day. WEll thats 75 quid spend on brakes for me car.
Day after the day after. 6 grand debt hits me that I;m not aware off.
For a few days all is quite
January 6th. Interview for a job
January 8th. Get informed I didn’t get job

All quiet till tonight where I offend a lass (big style and I hold my hands up), get bollokced by a darting team member, tell an old friend to fuck off and end up with 2 of the biggest blokes possible wanting to smash me in.

Yes, happy new year…..

This has taken some doing. Windows have had to be sealed and in some places using the silicon gel to stop any drafts. Let’s see what happens when the cold weather really hits and someone please remind me of this post when it does.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have a problem, but it’s more of an established pattern which leads me to have a drink pretty much most nights of the week. Also on a more positive note I have been swimming recently, in fact this morning where I managed to do 30 lengths and potentially could have gone on for longer.

So with all this in mind I’m still surprised I’m still in the complete shit of a mood