Screw you 2019

Happy 2019 assholes

Want to know how I spent my New Years eve?  Its when a girl I liked binned me off because she could do better turns up at where I’m working…. Rubs it in my face, makes suggestive comments and then because Im a fucking idiot that I feel she MAY feel something towards me….

Yeah screw 2019

 

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Screw you 2019

Previously Sexually assaulted but on a dating site?

I’ve probably spent just as much time on the title as I have writing this article. I kid you not my last failed dating attempt was with a woman who’d been sexually assaulted a few weeks / months ago. I don’t know the details of it all but man alive… Never a good thing to hear.

Basically Plenty Of Fish is where women who have issues end up. Or at least in my experience its where they end up. Not one women on there so far hasn’t either just recently broken up with their partner or been through an experience. And these are the ones that I seem to attract. We shall call this one Lesley

Lesley and I meet at a local swimming event, well she invites me because she wants someone “there”. This is just after a couple of days of talking. We meet up after she’s swam outside in freezing cold conditions and almost instantly she starts crying hysterically. I’m a good guy so I make sure she has food and drink. We chat and its where her Pokemon go obsession is starting to come into play. I think nothing off it till later messages where I’m starting to see the first signs something isn’t right.

Saturday. She does a running event at night. We meet up after for pizza (I pay) goto spoons for tea and cake (i pay again because I’ve seen she only has £20) and cal it in a night. Later that night I’m getting messages about her being lonely and no friends etc. I make light of this but alarm bells are ringing.

Sunday. She’s quiet, I say hello and I get messages about being alone, no friends and so after a while I call her and she’s literally sobbing down the phone. After a half hour I’ve calmed her down and she’s happier so much so I’m invited to go her way for pizza. Not a problem in my world.

We arranged to meet in a car park because there’s a Pokemon thing going on. This was one of the things she was crazing over, she’d ran out of balls to catch something or other?!?

So here I am, in a car park with a woman who’s playing Pokemon, who I know and has talked to me about being sexually assaulted. To say I’m a touch wary is an understatement.

Obviously all this is abbreviated but mainly sometimes talking suggestively is ok and then it’s not. That’s when the PTSD bomb is dropped on me as that;s what she has.

Pizza was ok, mine was cold, hers was nicer, i had a nice wine and they screwed up the bill in our favour. Well again I paid. Gotta stop doing that to say the least.

Walk back to her car, say goodbye “Do you want a hug” with my reply “yeah of course” and boom friend zoned. I’d seen it coming a mile off.

The next week barely any messages are shared, always busy with an event or something. Remember when she was crying that she had no friends, also not mentioned was the offer to come over and watch some DVDs.

I’m frank the next weekend after saying I know I’m a conduit guy, the one women meet before they go onto meet their next partner. Again more messages about no friends and how even I wont go and see her. Jesus.. thanks.

This all culminates in her texting me to say “you seem desperate for a relationship” to which I reply “so because i wear my sleeve on my heart that makes me desperate”.

Lesley then shows me a snapshot of a WhatsApp message from a while back saying how she’s lonely and no friends and by her own admission she’s using me.

The thing is here when we talked on the phone we both said what are we looking for. I wasn’t the one who said dogs, marriage, kids, house, running and events that was her. I agreed with her and that’s a lot of what I’m after in my world and I don’t mind admitting it. But then tho have that chucked in my face.

Here’s why I feel bad

I;ve never stopped or just blanked someone before, well ok I have but not in years and certainly not someone who’s obviously traumatised. Yet here I sit in a laundry writing this feeling bad. I’m did see if I had her numbers to at least say Happy Xmas and give her the power back.

Lynette proved the theory about power of the last word. When we “broke up” she would ‘chase’ a reply but then when I’d reply she would drop contact.

Just another date…..

Stay Away from Plenty of Fish. It’s not worth it.

Previously Sexually assaulted but on a dating site?

Arrived

Jesus that was a noisy flight. Of course it was the English but the paired into comparison when sitting on the train next to the Italians. Jesus they are loud.

Just going to upload random media for another bit.

Sue isn’t a show at the moment and no what’s app but I’m happy enough sat at the bar. It’s basically a typical Friday being sat alone in a pub.

Made it to the pub apart from it was the wrong pub. Nothing wrong with that as a mile walk did me some good.

Already I’m starting to feel tired yet I have to work out my back up plan to either find somewhere to stay or just go home.

Again why do I do this.

Arrived

Oktoberfest 2019

At 1009 off I go again For the annual pilgrimage to the Oktoberfest. Why the fuck am I doing this considering that a few moments down the road I was basically bawling my eyes out. Even B who I never EVER write about on here said why am I doing this yo myself and the truth is I have no idea.

This was the year that I was supposed to be going with Rachael. Also the year that I was supposed to a be getting married, have somewhere that wasn’t damp and freezing cold, to think about having a life and starting to live. What happened, we’ll I fucked it up. Like I fuck all things up very easily.

And then there’s this spot. This is the table that we sat at before going to Ireland to meet the parents.

And of the world wasn’t done reminding me just how much of a fuck up I am, Another rugby team is sat in the same place as the last time I was here.

Back to Oktoberfest 2018. This year I am staying with Sue on her sofa. I;m sure I’m too old for sofa stuff but hopefully I can pass out and get just enough sleep. It cant be any noisier than Nina’s. That flat, apart from being a complete shit tip and I kid you not, unused tampons on the floor, might as well been this very airport that I’m at now.

Speaking of which Cardiff Airport looks amazing these days. Qatar airlines has definitely meant some investment and because Wze decided to take me the wrong way I got to see a huge, brilliant new bypass under construction. God I hope they make this place work.

1315: The Oktoberfest 2018 Itinerary

The plan is get on the plane shortly, have a quick drink. Try and get some sleep as I’ve become an insomniac recently “living” on 4 hours keep on a good day. A good day.

Land and then a 10 minute walk to the train station, 40 minutes on the train which finally lets you purchase tickets online, pray I have enough battery life to get me to a pub called Killians. Not one of the best places that I like but beer and food. Sue has said something about going to a Friday night to meet a load of people who speak German and English. Christ I hope Steph isn’t there.

Steph is THAT girl. Read the blog and she’s the one that you just can’t take your eyes off. Of course I know she already has a dislike for me but that’s fine. To me she’s pretty alongside being clever, quick witted, rich and all those other things. For some reason my head has been saying Steph, screaming it at me all the journey here. Thankfully being butt ugly and nothing interesting to say at all people don’t tend to talk to me.

The Europeans are selective and can sniff out the weaker ones. I know the associated with saying that but it’s true. Table after table has countless gorgeous women with an even more good looking chap on their arm.

Flashback the first time I went and met Nina, I’m there with the whole holiday romance thing and she’s already getting numbers off other guys. Back then I was upset, now I see it as the most logical thing to do.

Ok going to chil now and enjoy a pint that just cost me £6.10…

Oktoberfest 2019

Silence & Spending the day in bed

Sounds stupid given the title but I’ve officially now not said more then 2 words to a human being in 24 hours.  Those were thank you as I attempted a last minute raid to Tesco to see what special offers there were.

I’ve spent all day in bed. I couldn’t be bothered getting up what so ever. Just didn’t seem any point.  Morning went like this

7am. Alarm goes off. Turn off
7.14. Listen to radio pretending that I’m going to get up after the next song honest.
10am.  So looks like I listened for the hour till the radio goes off and fell asleep
10.30. Watch twitch. Fall asleep
2.pm Get up. Head to sofa.. veg and watch YouTube
7pm ish.  I’ve been sleeping / watching crap on TV for the longest time.  Jesus H Christ Im watching youtube about the day in the life of a lorry driver. I Kid you not.
9pm. Sod it I’m off to spoons
9.44pm. Home. Spoons is closed, visited Tesco.  Decided to write a blog post even tho the only thing people come here for is the Jennifer Aniston Post.

That’s what my life has become.  Hmm you think I might be depressed?

Silence & Spending the day in bed

The interview and Lynette

Monday.

Phone rings from unknown caller. Is a post alcoholic fuzz it turns out to be someone local calling seeing if I was after work. Even better I’d interviewed before so it wasn’t a agency. Just one slight issue I’ll come to later.

Tuesday

At least I think it is. I’ve lost count of days now. It’s either light or dark. When it’s light I don’t drink. When it gets dark let’s just have one. I know I have a problem. I’m cutting back till Oktoberfest where I’ll inevitably have a melt down. Every person there is taller. Smarter. Richer. Better. Ffs my mind hurts

I got the email today asking me to interview I think on Thursday. Suppose I should research and look into it. That’s for tomorrow. I reply in the afternoon with the usual false positivity and optimism I can muster for such events.

Wednesday

Went and did some work. Log. And painful. Why can’t anyone remember their passwords.

It’s genuinely interesting to see people go all in on the iPad. Yes it’s going back to simplicity but it’s just missing something. Websites don’t account for the screen. Apps. Don’t get me started.

Made amends with a a friend who had already helped me out by getting me a shirt so I don’t look like I’m homeless all the time.

Seriously. Check out this image. These are all my unpaired socks.

Slept better knowing we had made amends. The future is looking not so great for a business adventure we are working on but that’s for another post.

Thursday

It’s pissing down. Friend helps me choose a shirt and I feel ok. I cram the details for the question in the interview “what do you know about us”

As I make the walk across the car park in the pissing rain I’m struggling with the door. Bloody thing is jammed. Oh wait no it’s not. Press button to enter. So I do. And wait.

And Lynette walks past. Fuxkkk. Thank god the bell had rang moments earlier. Collision missed.

I had banked on probability to miss her. What are the chances of bumping into an ex / old friend / fuck buddy / whatever we were.

Stupid marxworld. You should of known. Probability doesn’t work.

I sign in, talking quietly and sound travels and I don’t want to let her know I’m here. Trying all out to avoid seeing her or raise the alarm metal gear solid style.

I sit down. Studying my notes and I’m distracted by high heels. Instinctively I know it’s Lynette.

Stupidly I look up. “Heya how you doing. You ok ?”

“Yeah good thanks” and I go back to my phone.

The only thing saving me right now is my focus on numbers, trying to retain facts.

Facts and data that wasn’t needed as it was beyond informal. Richard is a touch nervous. He’s obviously a script / network guy.

As for the interview it went ok. I spotted areas where I screwed up. I’m too honest and friendly. But after half an hour and hearing I have w 50/50 chance because there’s another guy to interview who “I’ve not met before” I’m out the office.

Thursday evening

Honestly I know I screwed up. I’m not meant to be around people. But I got taken aback.

The reason I don’t want to hear from her is although I hope she is happy and I genuinely mean that. I don’t want to hear about it.

The interview and Lynette