Officially now its the mornings that are the hardest.  When you wake up and all you can see is doom and gloom, the house is silent cold and empty, thats harder than going to be alone at night. Well at least i think it is…

Work is odd now as well, there isn’t one place in my world that is an escape, kari’s was sex with another man to escape that and find happiness, for me at the moment I seem to wander here and there without a purpose to make things worthwhile.  There will be people be reading this and say “but wait you should do things for yourself and not for others” and to that I say its the doing for others that gave me a sense of viability in this world to keep going.  To say that my purpose has been lost is an understatement.

In the last few years a lot of friends have had death enter their lives by the loss of a loved one and many times, being honest, seeing the devastation and heartache caused by it all, I would happily trade my place for them.  This coming from me having cancer not once but twice brings up feelings of guilt when failures take place in my world.

Lord of Pain was on last night with Nicholas Cage doing a fine role in acting.  A memorable line from the film.  “Evil prevails when good fails..”


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