Top Gear, I want to believe

sunday night means one thing and one thing only and thats top gear.  I used to love the program , not always because of the content, jokes and laughter because that to me was family time.  No matter how shit a week, how crap, arguments,  That show was our time.  Being on the sofa now watching alone just isnt the same, the jokes and laughter just bring back memories of us.

Every sunday night now is tainted to me and i know how sad that seems but its true.  Sunday night was OUR night. Nothing in the world could take that away but yet it was taken away.  Every sunday night at 8pm I know is her and Sam time.  Where I used to sit on the sofa with a beer and wine, sunday lunch cooked by mum, sorry her mum has now and so easily been taken by another.

What sparked off this rambling was the fact that she text me today about hammond in riding stuff and horses.  She then said shes only caught 2 out of the 5 shows.

One side of me is happy because maybe, she feels something about what we used to do as a couple, the happy memories, a fondness for what we used to do as a loving couple.

The other side of me thinks that shes not seen any episodes because she has been out shagging sam or whoever and been up to something else.  I know what I want to believe and that would make me happy.  However I know in my gut what to believe.  The truth is out there to quote a phrase and the truth is always the hardest thing to accept.

I have been asked if I had the chance would I take Kari back.  I have never answered that because its not up to me.  There have been mistakes on both sides and the one thing out of this is that nothing is unfixable if both people want to. That is where the issue lies, one of us wants it more than the other. Thats why the quesiton above is never answered, its a pointless what if type question.

The summer of fun kinda started this week. Fun my arse but I did get into town and see the haverfordwest carnival.  No she wasnt there but if she was it would of been nice to see her little one still but that is by the by.  Rock music isnt dead im glad to say just hidden away somewhere.  Cant beat a bit of social awkarness when the crowds start dispursing and you are pretty much one of a dozen people watching a band.  Nothing like sticking out like a sore thumb.  Meanwhile Kari is of to Pembrae watching re entactments and yes, you can bet Sam was there as well. Yes another reason why shes not watched top gear.  I know i shouldnt prattle on about her but she is my second time that I felt a feeling that was only felt once before.  Just like then, thing got fucked up because of my self thoughts.

Looking forward to seeing the new Batman film and putting into practise the rules of going to the cinema for one that I wrote on a blog a few years ago.  I do hope that its nice and dark.  Bale still for me seems awkard as the batman as keaton had a certain quirkyness that befitted batman in the 2 films.  Who cares if he wore a mouthpiece for his jaw line, at least the films didnt try to cram in too much.  Introducing villan after villan such as Joel Schumacher tried doesnt work.  Having not seen the film one hopes that the joker isn’t killed off.  Joker completes batman and the batman completes joker.  One cannot exist without the other.  If you need to know what I mean, go and download Batman Knightfall.  One of the best graphic novels ever…period

Its not often that you read things and it has a physical impact on you but this book did.  Hard to say way but there was a connection running parallel with life and the time this book entered my life.  Things happen for a reason do they not?

Last night a breif moment of levity entered my life.
1.  I went clothes shopping… on my own
those who know me know of my hatred for clothes shopping.  Walk in on your own you get stared and scowled at because you look scruffy and therefore pre disposed to be a crim wanting to nick stuff, not just in for the reason you are scruffy and want new clothes!

2.  Jo from up the road spoke to me.
walk into pub, jo says hello as its her birthday. Guess her age and shaved 6 years off it and that earnt me a kiss on her cheek the the promise to get her a drink.  Yes I know the warning signs are there already but it was nice because for once I looked ace for once lol.  Later in the night, fate took its twist as she introduced me to what I thought was her dad but that turned out to be her new fella.  Her sister was well fit but also taken.  3 pints of export later meant that caring was out of my remit and funny chappell reared his head for the first time in an eternity.  There was no left foot pointing to me or smile or body language to say I was in with a chance but that didnt matter.  The jokes were flying and it made people laugh. Before I had a real chance even after her fella was introduced she was going home.  Gone in an instant.  Hmm sounds familiar that

Finally saturday night was ended when the police raided my local when there were late night drinks going on.  Personally the idea of late night drinking like the mediterranian works for me.  Having been to madrid and germany where there is no culture of “drink up and piss off” and at 4am people are chilled as its the time to relax.

All in all a mixed bag of a weekend…

Top Gear, I want to believe

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