Thursday. Another day another dollar. Tonight’s, or rather, last nights excitement was all about going to the local, hopefully hang around and talk to a few people and have a few beers. The last few weeks that’s all I’ve really done is just mooch up and down solva hill and look for a distraction and something to stop me thinking about kari still.. nothing is working
I remember a while ago having a chat with my dad, him looking at me and just coming out of no where that Im a lonely person. Yup aint that the truth, further backed up from yesterday. My friends were there but in their “unit” with my mates girlfriends family. Ok so there is a chance to mingle but the seating arrangement was in a circle so no chance to sit down and no offer of sitting down. Two weeks in a row now this has happened which is fair enough in reality. My company isnt the most sparkling and witty as per the “old days” so who can blame people for not wanting to converse with me.
It is a touch odd when you know you have friends but they are in their own world, after all we all have our own circles and time spent with family and that sets me to thinking. Did I do the same when I was in a relationship? No.. Is that right or wrong.. I have no idea, perhaps if I had focussed on more of me and been a touch more selfish then maybe.. who knows…. and thats where I am now
If this… If that… To the point now where its beyond eating me up and looking for solace at the bottom of a glass, meanwhile her and this neil jenkins fella are living it up in happy land. (thanks facebook.. again)
As odd as it sounds I can actually remember the last tim I smiled, properly and I even have the picture to prove it (facebook) the last picture that we took together.
So why dont I go and get help for my now apparent depression. Well in short its not possible. The local counciling units can help me with support… in 6 – 8 weeks time. The doctor cant prescribe anything for me because of my past medical history.