Why good doesnt exist.

Since being back form the village there has been a lot to think about , a lot to contend with in the mind of chappell.

sunday nights venture down to the local saw friends.. no.. colleagues.. no.  Poeple that I once regarded on a night out.  And like last night there is another moment when you realise just whts going on, when you see the thoughts of people who look down and upon you.  Now more than ever i have this belife that my time is done in perhaps more ways than one.  Yes london gave me the bright lights big city, but also a sense of life.  The same feeling thats gotten no matter where I have travelled to.

More importantly, once again, id rather be anonymous in a wide world where no one knows my name rather than the blatency of when people do know you.  Tonight there was at least, the very least some acknowlegement till the end of the night

6 people and one car was never going to work , thats not an issue i wasnt invited out so a lift back was never on the cards, but please., a somewhat lesser blunt response from SP would of been nice.  The mood changed after

“is mc getting a lift back with us”
“no” in a very abrupt time. 

Misread or mis interpreted .. no.  Its one of those reactions where you just know its put poeple a touch on edge and made a situation somewhat difficult.  Part of me hopes that at least, the very least BD saw it and might comment on it so the burden of misinterpretation isnt upon me

in the 20 seconds from pc to microwave to take out beer. So many thoughts enter my head but the one thing that sticks out.  All this has happened since the fal out with KF. Was i stronger, did she control SW behind the scenes like women do, is all this deserving. No matter what  if, then or buts the innailiable (sp) fact remains that since KF and I split.. no one has wanted to know.. ME.

In london SP conifded in me that everyone has stepped back and wantingly let me self desctruct… why

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Why good doesnt exist.

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