Breaking down

Sigh, what a night last night was.  Mondays arent that good at the best of times but last night was a complete crash and burn.  Got home, smug was in the window, meowing, saw me and then put her paw through the window to shake hands almost. So incredibly cute, get in, feed and cuddle hereand bang, needed to sleep.

Wake up at 8, watch gadget show, kitchen nightmares some crap after that which then sparked something off.  Here I am , 31, sat in the front room with no heating, little food, wearing a hoodie to keep me vaguely warm, alone in the dark.  At that point tears were rolling down my face and for once, unable to pull them back in and keep things inside.

In the minds eye I should get up , move about, get the endorphines going, create happy celluar reactions, the logic side of the mind knows this to be true that it is the best thing to do.  The body however just doesnt respond.  Its like a missing link from thoughts, sense and logic into doing.  The weekends are spent lying on my sofa thats now my full time bed.  Not to disrespect any disabled people but it does feel the closest I might ever get to being paralised.  When sat down its a monumental effort to haul ass to get back up and do anything.

There are the better days, which is classed as being not so bad.  Washing does tend to get done etc and the main thing is that smug gets fed which is always important.

I am supposed to be doing small things
Cycle to work everyday – Done

Stop thought distortions

Go for a walk at weekends  – its pissing down all the time

Ask someone for a drink that i might know or not = EPIC fail (see saturdays blog)

Find a local activity = This is solva, there is nothing for kids here, especially if you dont have a car to do anything. On that one shes asked me if I would do voluntary work.  Whats this im supposed to feel better helping people out, ok or is it working with people worse off than you so you dont feel as bad?

Its 1413 now and I have to get ready to go for meeting 5 out of 6 and before taht I need to drop kids off at the proverbial swimming pool.

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Breaking down

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