5 months today

Whoo freaking hoo what a day. 5 months since i last threw things away.  Thsi is more of a message to gribzy more or less than a blog post.  I know things are over, I know that I lost and now I can say hand on heart that I finally given up, hopefully you of all peorople will understand that its not the musing of some emo boke down on his luck.

I gave myself 6 months to turn my life around , beone of the people that move on and get over things, to be like the people that I watch on a daily basis.  Fuck me what is up with things that when someone I know is left behind by HER mates walking up the massive hill and leave me with her and then I ofer to walk with her, not offer to walk her home, to make sure that shes safe as she has 2 kids, dog husband, just to make sure shes safe and I get told, id rather not cause its you.  With no other reason that just wanting to make sure someone gets home Im stil the outcast.

Was intersting watching all the eople walk on leaving me and this lass behind.  Showssss how life is I suppose, signs are given in the most strangest of ways

I lost my friends
I dance alone
its 6 o clock and I want to go home.  Poetic.

So now sat here, half pissed, watching my cat, drinking export and with  touch of reluctance this is where I belong.

Tonight wasasked abotu my dad and when was the last time I spoke to him.   Hoep they understand when I said I cant because afer eeing him last xmas and the look that only my dad could of give me, I can face him.  “you are his son” SP said to me.  No im not his son Im a mistake.

One thing therapy has told me that I am what I am from my own thoughts my own mind. There was no parenting, no bad influences, nothing to lead me astry.  I am my own creation, my own failures and my own sucesses with no one else to blame but me.  That is what I carry,  and as i was about to write my cross to bear.  It is me and that is what I am.

Anyways back to the start of the post. Gribz, you did nothing wrong bar point out my flaws, the attention shown should of been me.  I love her, i miss her and theres no getting over that.  For me a path has been taken an im at the paths end

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5 months today

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