When it rains.

Sheesh.  When it rains it pisses down in a torrent style when you know you went out in sandles only for the weather to turn, a cold wind to blow over, the sun to hide behind cloud cover and then someone to think that its ooo sooo funny to dunk you in the sea with no clothes to change into and then “fancy a pint”

So quick update
Wake up, a wink from a dating site, first one ever. Good start
Into work on time.. Even better could be good…

Thats as far as it went
employee one seemed to think that a battery needed changing on a ups, just as his pc was crashing.  A ups either works or doesnt, well the BRAND new ones that we have do at least.  Then to find out that procedures werent followed and coupled with leaving early meant that yours truely is once left again to sort out the crap from people not doing jobs proper.  Thats the tip of it all.

Then to be told that when one of us is in the office its fine, when there is both of us there is an atmosphere.  Still on a basic positive of the day starting off well ish, suggestions were made to change offices, seating, pcs, this and that which all of which were met with “I dont see how that will work “by others.  Another year of staring at the same wall then.  Fuck isnt it jsut worth trying things at time that have no ramifcation on profits or business so a failure isnt that its just a test to see what happens?  Ack rambles of a drunk I suppose

So now im faced with being the bone of constenation but bare in mind the guy with the problem with ME was the one who got MY EX to take pictures for him in skimpy underwear for him to allegadly sell on ebay.  A nice reminder today was that , right just before going back home.  Man that brings it back , ever been to a place where black isnt black or doesnt exist.  You can always be told differetn but it takes time to confuse you to believe the difference in what you see, even when you present people with blind faith..

And I got to be honest the fact that everyone got away with it scott free, with no ramifications, no after thought, not a care and the only person left with nothing adn suffering is me.  He kept his wife and kids, she moved on that easily and once again, Im at the bottom and with less respect from him than ever.

With SP unwilling to give up the office, SW not willing to move ito mine then there is only one real option.  I go down a level from doing my project stuff and looking forward , to dispatching.  Yes ok thats one of if not the most important job.  Theory is that just let them run the company and deal with the upstairs stuff. Kinda feels like putting myself out way and beyond to accomodate those who seem happier and comfortable to dismiss ideas than contributing to a working solution.  Thinking on it now being cold most of the time, it shouldnt make much difference to me

Dont get me wrong here there is a damn lot to be greatfull here, the sea is close, the air is fresh, the views are stunning, free broadband, cheapish acomodation just that something is missing, there a gap and god knows what it is. Despite all the good things myself, in myworld unhappiness seems to reign supreme.

No its not just the money side of things and whilst money might not make you happy it brings a better standard of misery but more the complete package. To know what you like is to the first step to lead happyness.

1 day now to the next year. really dont want to think about tonight. Becks (ex ex’s sister) asked if i would take her to the george so she could meet her mates as she didnt want to walk in theree alone. I said yeah ok and send me a text. nothing yet and i doubt anything. No.. I dont like her in THAT way, shes a soul sounding on  a verge or going oen way or another and I hope that by just by being nice and a friendly person that might help in some odd way.  Yeah I know I doubt it and no, theres no danger of it going wrong and her going all mental liking me, shes way to sharp with that stuff hence being able to try and do this.  All a moot point really.

In weird dream land, who was that woman with black hair (again) with the worlds most gorgeous lips in a while top grabbing me awake to kiss me in such a way.  Must find that word for when you dream and ou feel whats happening.  Againt his morning I was sure I was awake but couldnt tell, like living a day without being awake and then having to do it all.. again

Put that along with talking to myself   and making strange noises, wonder if madness has taken hold?

When it rains.

If youre cold, be greatfull its not world war 2….

Yes as odd as that may sound, this was the response to when I was telling people the other night just how cold it is with the one fire I have to heat up my house (see the pic) When commenting about theres no central heating, the econ 7 heatures (no tthat I can afford to run them ) are shockingly bad, the comment, well you should be greatfull you arent in world war 2, and I said what the hell relevance does that have, why stop there, why not make it world war 1 or the nam or the boa war. Seriously some people just make me want tshout shut the fuck up and just get something of a reality check. If you feel like that then why not dontate all your wages to them week in week out, no, because its not pissing relevant. So does this mean I should feel bad because I have a hosue and somehwere to live because there are people worse off.. and thats just the point, no matter how bad there is someone or something worse off for you but if you dwell on that its a dangerous position to livein because you never want to move up or on.

Today has been a complete pisser.  Day started off well with someone on match.com actually sending me a.. WINK, yes after 120 views over 4 months thats it.  So, taking some initiative, a carefully honed reply was tortured over, pervuying wit, cleverness and letting my personality shine through.  Heres my email..  Bearing in mind this is her profile…

princess2500xxx

Can YOU sweep me off my feet?

25 year old bubbly brunette looking to be swept off my feet and treated with respect, I have lived on my own for over 4 years now and think I am ready to meet someone special.
My perfect match will be succesful, independant, caring, fun person who likes crazy nights out and lovely nights in…looking for the real thing not just sex

Subject: I have the biggest brush….
To sweep you off your feet of course. Ok THAT was tacky but hopefully it got a groan at an attempt to make a good(ish) first impression. Thanks for the wink, how are you finding this site so far? Any plans for NYE yet?

Yes.  That was as good as I could muster, sheesh is it any wonder that singledom becomes.  Times like this it really makes me wonder what part of me women found attractive when going out with me.  Still at least the giving up gene has finally, FINALLY kicked in…

If youre cold, be greatfull its not world war 2….

Boxing day updates

I have already started to write another post, got side tracked and that bought about doing some reverse blogging as always.  Well after failing miserably to make it to dads for xmas day, and yes I did try right up to the point of having a breakdown about it but coming back from that brink yet again, I made the trip up.  Ok yes I was up late as it was cold and only saw dad for an hour or so but all was not last as I spent most of it with my little sister and her mum, That was ace and the best bit about xmas by far.  I think I almost feel all brotherly when with her and more than guilty with about 14 messags on my phone wanting me to come over for xmas day dinner….

Continue reading “Boxing day updates”

Boxing day updates

The xmas day blog.

I could put here about how it was a year ago that me and the ex went to bed together, how she slept on her spot and things were perfect and bring the tone down.

Today is not about that. Its about, hopefully, your realisation about what you have, thats happend and all that yo uhave in the palm of your hand. wake up to what you want but at least wake up to believe.

as I write this someone i know i just said happy xmas to and just signed off after a min or 2 without reciprocation. Yes ok there aare many reasons for that, still doesnt prevent logic for hitting a real nerve

Dad called me yesterday, well actually his wife but no idea who it is seeing a there are 8 message on my mobie and ill bet that more are from the bank wanting dosh hence not reaidn them, well listening. Do i go today or not, i will let fate decide that.

There have been offers to come over tomorrow but i still believe steadfastly in family and xmas and as I write this flash backs happen to what was and what is. Yup, someone else where I want to be. Its amazing to experience christmas with a kid for the first time, utterly amazing.

Somtimes you realise a change is needed to make a difference, sometimes you realise that things and inventible and somtimes there is just no way out.

My destiny date is march 30th, if things havenet picked up by then, i give up, wholely, fully, with no more fight, ill give up

The xmas day blog.

The Dub Update

Its the day before the day before and its manic, matters not helped by some of the people I work with being messy bastards at work, coming into work tired and then having energy drinks to leave you short tempered and rushing around making mistakes is just winding me right up now.

If you are going to paste a cpu heres a novel idea, chuck the fucking paper away you used to clean it and again, a novel idea, put the lid BACK on top of the cleaner and the paste.  Quirky and somewhat revolutionary ideas I know but its the future I tell you and one day, it might just make the world a better place.

So a quick update. Spoke to my contact and its looking like the 1st – 2nd week of Jan and then its about 3 weeks. Details are still sketchy about the quality of the hardware but more than likely to be stuff ranging from p3’s upwards with varying degrees of not enough memory.

The site itself is still undiscolsed and the guy who signs me off on the contract has just headed back to oz.  Accomodation will be taken care of in the form of a serviced hotel apartment (whatever that means) so itll be good to have nice clothes that dont take 2 days to dry out in front of a log fire for a change.  Food and night time activities are a touch of a concern still though assurances have been made that “it’ll be a grand ol time”

Personally, self sabotaging thoughts have been kept in check with more excitement than dread being the call of day although steadfastly refuse to actually acknowledge its going to happen till 2 stages.  1 contact is on my desk, 2 on the plane and on the way there.

Optimistically, there seems to be no real IT personell there. When I say real I talk about ground troups, the second liners who can fix things, not just middle management types who seem to talk but never really have anything to say or get decisions made but can have input by making strange monotone noises which only other middle management can decipher.  This somehow gets translated into budgets and then down the line to the person a the bottom who ulitmately has too much work to do and too little time so middle management decide that the best motivation is to pile on pressure by using management remarks as “we really need to see those results” or as in McDonalds speak when its three deep in customers and running around more than healthy and saftey allow, shouts “lets see some more hussle”

With the lack of IT there may be a chance there in optimism land however meeting the right people and not knowing the protocol to know the people in the know to get a piece of the cake… Well, some part hopes that down in the deep bowels there is the bit of me that was once aspired to and using finally, all teh years of experience, pull off something special.  I think if it works, ill be gutted to have to come back home…

The Dub Update

Strange Dreams – Again

So last night after going for a long walk after crashing out on the sofa the moment I walked through the house door, watching mindless crap on tv such as Clone, whos only redeeming feature is the ginger hair irish lass who, if god had a perfect mould, definatly created her with it, added a touch of garnish and then gave her an irish deep accent, I finally drifted off into the land of nod.  Dream specialists keep reading

We are in the house the ex and I talking, for some reason shes ironing black clothes and trousers especially and its  deep conversation and just wish I could remember what.  I know shes on a higher level than me and she bends down from the table where the ironing is going on and kisses me on the forehead and I physically felt it.  Its an actual condition where you start to experience actual sensations when in a dream like state.  Wish I could remember the name of it and its not the first time this has happened dream wise.  Anyways why am I dreaming about situations like this?

” Ironing

To dream of ironing, denotes domestic comforts and orderly business.

If a woman dreams that she burns her hands while ironing, it foretells she will have illness or jealousy to disturb her peace. If she scorches the clothes, she will have a rival who will cause her much displeasure and suspicions. If the irons seem too cold, she will lack affection in her home. “

Hmm none of that applies in my dream.

Strange Dreams – Again

drunken ramblings

Yes its 1.09 in the morning and pissed enough to be thinking clearly and therefore able to blog.

Tonight I didnt venture outside till about10 on black firday, should of been more like bleak friday around here.  The night was going to be the 2 darts teams, a good atmosphere and generally a bit of a giggle.  Instead teh pub was almost empty bar afew people playing darts which only helped to sour and already blackened mood.  This year is made harder, i am a great advocate of saying you cant miss what you had and by god last year I had it, right to this date and now.. none of it.  Am I a self fulfilling prophecy or just a twat who wants to believe and despite all bravado and talk cant.  Was it really to hard to believe that she and the ex before ACTUALLY liked me and if so why am I so fucked up to believe they wouldnt, what the hell processes those thoughts.

Alas now I realise I am a creature who doesnt deserve that sort of liking.  Its with avery heavy heart that i say that and i physically sagged when having to write that but like what i always say , the truth is always the hardest thing to accept.

One minute is all it takes to loose one life

drunken ramblings