Yes its 1.09 in the morning and pissed enough to be thinking clearly and therefore able to blog.
Tonight I didnt venture outside till about10 on black firday, should of been more like bleak friday around here. The night was going to be the 2 darts teams, a good atmosphere and generally a bit of a giggle. Instead teh pub was almost empty bar afew people playing darts which only helped to sour and already blackened mood. This year is made harder, i am a great advocate of saying you cant miss what you had and by god last year I had it, right to this date and now.. none of it. Am I a self fulfilling prophecy or just a twat who wants to believe and despite all bravado and talk cant. Was it really to hard to believe that she and the ex before ACTUALLY liked me and if so why am I so fucked up to believe they wouldnt, what the hell processes those thoughts.
Alas now I realise I am a creature who doesnt deserve that sort of liking. Its with avery heavy heart that i say that and i physically sagged when having to write that but like what i always say , the truth is always the hardest thing to accept.
One minute is all it takes to loose one life