I lost my friends I dance alone

its 6 o clock and I want to go home

Why the hell does that lyric keep floating through my head for no good reason what so ever , however what a weekend, the sort of weekend that makes the week worth going through for,enjoyment, having a blast, being amongst people and you know having …fun.

But its with sadness that I endulge those happier moment in my life.  Because without one you cannot have the other, happiness is always precluded with sadness.  Take the last relationship which did indeed bring happiness but ultimately the most painful and most miserable time in my life.

Its at thsi point I reach a cross roads where do I carry on a path or try and believe in another path that might take me to a better place. Tie that along with the constant thought of is the grass greener on the other side and you end up with one thing.. fucking hell I hate logic at times.

To know and always appreciate each side of a converstation based on all its merits leats to the head being messed up with to say the least.  My one solace is sleep, the reality is wondering and then realising that when you take the chance to believe in something each and every time thats the ultimate failure, belief.  Thinking that some people are good, you have friends to rely upon, having a backup plan none of that exists. There is no past and present there is only the moment you live in.

For a month I took up a belief, a religion and to be honest it was the devout faith in Karma.  And after that month its obvious that a religion or belief is one thing and one thing only, fear.   Fear that we are not invincible, fear that there are consequences to what we all do. Perhaps attaching coincedental events to something that is tangible makes things easier in life. On the other hand the good is that it stopped me doing stupid things, on the other hand. Its stopped me doing stupid things. Hell I feel lost.

I lost my friends I dance alone

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