Well its been three weeks back into the uk and it seems that my blogging has left a trail of people, well one, wanting to comment on, when I log into MSN.
Its funny that one persons brutal honesty is always frowned upon no matter how often you repeat the same ting over and over. Lying is hard work basically, very hard work so keep them small and thats the point and case here, this blog is as honest as it can be…
So when Im picked up on what I write here being so much more devastating than when I say things in real life it does make you wonder. Yes my blogs are cheap journalism as its easy to run out of creative ideas and start on a rant, hence the title of “addiction to pod casts”. Stephen fry is a god damn genious if somewhat a tormented type as someone that articulate and intelectual must struggle in the real world perhaps?
Now in the case of this blog as well, what I’ve said to a person in the real world has also been written many times in this blog. 2 people having FUN without attachment is a very rare thing. Lets look at the word fun..
Productivity suffers through a lack of fun, its a lot lie sunshine in the same way as being in the sun creates chemicles in the body that produces that happy feeling. Ever noticed that in the sun everything seems a little brighter (pardon the pun) just a touch easier to deal with.
Yet fun is the hardest thing to achieve at times, in this particular instance having fun with someone is fraught with difficulties that are self enduced. To actively put obstacles in the way of having fun means that you are accustomed to being miserable something which we can all relate to. Being back in the UK for 2 weeks I can’t honestly say that its been the most enjoyable experience apart from a few moments where fun happens, be it darts, walking, talking to people and viola the body and mind starts working again.
So thats the theory behind it all however things are still at a loss and bemusement about attitudes of people. To use someone would mean that the gain from “whatever” is not reciprocal. So unless the fun had was a lie then being used cant really apply.
The next thing levvied at me was that I lied. Again lets consult wikipedia
A lie (also called prevarication) is a type of deception in the form of an untruthful statement, especially with the intention to deceive others, often with the further intention to maintain a secret or reputation, protect someone’s feelings or to avoid a punishment.
Breaking it down, Deception. Being brutally honest I wasnt the one in the relationship at the time and so to decieve perhaps is a deflection of how someone feels but transferrs it onto myself. Maintain a secret, now yes this bit I will admit, to keep something GOOD a secret makes things even better. A load of people reading this have been out with someone but kept it quiet for a bit to see how things go. There lies my point… “see how things go” which was a repeating mantra.
To protect someones feelings, yes this I am extremly guilty off on all accounts, in a court of law the book would be thrown at me on all charges. Giving someone hope is one thing on the other side of that taking it away is just as bad. Now this situation was complex and so the only lie that was told wasnt told. So its not a lie its called non disclosure. You cant tell someone how you really feel at times because it makes a situation worse.
So boy meets girl and instead of jumping in feet first, boy takes time. Now tell me if thats the wrong thing to do.
The person who perhaps might read this blog as an explaination has obviously ignored all the posts about just how much one person goes through after a split up and concentrates just on themselves and how they feel. Im not advocate of that stupid saying “well take into account how they might feel or react” however I do believe in having an understanding and being fully able to deal with ones own thoughts and feelings before making statements.
It does come down to feelings. When the big split happened a friend summed it up in the following
Women are like monkeys, they dont let go of one branch till they have another.
Exactly what the ex did, case and point proved with no shadow of a doubt what so ever. Its no bad thing to be a branch but like all structures, it can only support too much.
Comingback to an example, youre a wreck from the last relationship, new woman in your life has a bucket full of issues and insecurity as well as loving the high life (3 holidays a year, driving a new car, ps3 type lifestyle.. if thats normal please tel me and that statement will be happily retracted). So life for the man is spent walking in a shell trying to put together the thing called life or get some semblance of normality and even tho this girl who has been a dream and fantasy for so many years comes along its like I always say
The right thing is ALWAYS the hardest thing to do
and the right thing to do was to let that one go. The final obstacle of us meeting up was obstacles. Quite frankly if you REALLY want to do something you think about how to make it happen , not what if, you think things through, come up with a plan and think about it… IF you REALLY want it to happen. Sod what sort of frame of mind you are in. Why did something that wasy easy suddenly develop to be an issue thats unresolvable or problematic.
If 2 adults with their own transport dont have freedom to go off and do things, and im not talking just about fucking, appreciating the freedom that society provides due to … ahh there is a quote here
“poor is the person whos pleasures depend on the permisson of another” – Madonna
Having been in a relationship where control was paramount it will always end in one way and thats desctruction, not of the relationship in all cases but of the persons soul and being, defining who you are is paramount in life. Not all of us ever find out who we are, however the path to finding is leads to the end of the road and I hope that personally when im on my deathbed (again), a final breath is drawn, it’ll all become clear.
It may never happen but I sure as hell dont want to get old, sat in my chair with a one bar electric heater, alone with only the thought of “What if….”