Its another rant time, based on ONE day of existing and having a bad day this gives me the supreme right to know all thats wrong with the world.
Today I want to aim this firmly at Tescos and any establisment which has an escalator with those stupid fucking announcements..
“please mind your step you are nearing the end of the escalator”..
No fucking way. you are shitting me, I got on this fucking thing and Ithought it was some sort of magical mystery ride that went on for infinity, a joyous ride of going up and up or down and down. In no fucking way did I ever expect an escalator to end. When I moved onto the moving platform with my trolley in a state of mental awareness, after all like 90% of all visitors there I passed my driving test so therefore could brave the roads in a potential killing machine thats just under 1tonne in wieght, going past the BMW garage where indicators arent really needed.
No honestly if you own a BMW then you own that road and all rights of way and bye laws in that moment in time you are driving so there is no need for ooooo I don;t know, following the highway code.
The powers that be in supermarkets have provided a sound ssystem that does a damn fine job in booming out over 5 speakers at a level of annoyance which mathematicians must of worked long and hard on, so much so that at a railway station you can still here fuck all but in a supermarket its as clear as day and can be heard over everything in Tesco’s, including the 3 pasty faced girls/women dressed up to the 9’s for a night out that for whatever reason stopped off in Tescos.
Perhaps I am missing something here, like I normally do, but short skirts are ok, but then why so much make up? It’s obvious to see you are whiter than the average background of any word document so having a skirt that barely covers your front bottom isnt going to make up for it. So prey tell if you are showing off that you are so “daring” with your white legs why go to the bother of putting on so much make up to cover up the fact that your diet is piss poor and you are in fact as pasty as your legs.
Give us all a break, its britain and the weather is shit, we all eat way too much and its only the PR machine that stops us from realising that perhaps we all could do with eating better but thats not possible as there are no REAL WORLD cooking shows.
Jamie Oliver might travel around the world cooking, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall might go off, shoot some game hens and spit roast them over a log fire made of pure mahogany, Rachel Ray pretend to be down with the people but who, please tell me, is cooking for the lowest common denominator.
How dare I be so jumped up perhaps but bear with me, lets look at the TV listings
Underage and Pregnant
Teenage and Pregant
Stupid vs Strong
Katy Brand (parodies all sung in the same bloody key)
Cathrine Tate (just..NOT .. Funny)
that stupid make undershow where perhaps the presenter could take a leaf out of the own fuckign show shes presenting
X-factor (no fucking wonder whats going to be a xmas number 1. If 15 weeks of marketing and over 40 hours a week of programming doesnt work nothing will. )
and other all appeal to the mass breed of audience thats been created. What happened to intelligent TV, well I hav an answer for that. PR. All the “intelligent stuff” has been shuffled to BBC4 which is like the Honda of TV channels, aimed at oldies and fogies. Radio 6 might be a fringe channel but it’s diverse and pleasurable where as most shows such as Zan Lowe WHOS PLAYING THE BEST THING EVER AT 100MPH ever is a more forced effort.
And after some digression we come back to the Tesco Elevator, are we really in a society where we need to be told to mind out for something that is coming to an end. You get in a car, travel somewhere and you dont expect to be told to be carefull because you are coming to the end.
For fuck sake they give you trollies which you can injure yourselves with, ram people and worse than that, cause frustration by leaving it , wandering off at the most popular discount baked bean discount counter which is almost as annoying those people who goto cash points after waiting in a queue for 30 minutes and then decide that its the most appropriate time to sort out all of lifes finances and check the multitude of credit cards in their pocket. Where is the liability to say “please be safe” with trollies, if they can put the effort of a PA system into a supermarket to warn of , lets face it, inevitability of a freaking motorised path. People who are unaware of a moving transit platform really shouldnt be let out into society.
There is still a small touch of hope , perhaps a meer glimmer into the underlying intelligence of people and believe it or not its twitter. The UKs most followed man is Stephen Fry. Even tho the references to being gay are a touch on the “look at me im ghaayyy honestly” it’s an intelligent voice but to think that its the most followed on Twitter, perhaps there is hope for intelligence or is it now an almost undergound movement.
This saturday almost verged upon clever comedy night, Monty Python, clever or stupid is up for debate, Shooting stars is back on the TV. One hopes that its not for money value, which it is always it but perhaps now is the time for clever comedies and not just comedians saying fuck this and ranting. At least when Ben Elton did it there was an edge to it.
So how do I round this up, a rant based on little fact but the TV listings provided to me. Easy
Join me in the fight and Im serious about this. VERY serious. Fight the Tescos marketing system and by doing this save yourself money. Lets face it people will only do anythign that benefits themselves, people will only do something if they want to.
Just once try this, if you never do anything ever again , never read this blog. All this involves is 15 seconds of walking on average.
- Start at the wrong end of ANY supermarket and walk against the tide, dont follow the crowd and look at the shelves. look at the top shelf thats where the real bargains are.
- Ignore the END bargains. The end of the Aisles are the prime marketin areas so be warned. Things marketed arent the end are not there to benefit you. No matter how good a deal it is, its there to sell to you, and if soemone wants to sell to you its because its all about money. Thats the spot bargains that they have made. Now if you look at the alternatives Ill be you will find the same but better (sausages are the prime example)
- Dont be lazy. My tescos is on a route which I pass Lidl on the way home. Anyone who says that the quality isnt there has been there on a bad day or you dont apprecaite proper beer and think that Stella is an equisit beer.
Now people will think that it’s hassle to shop around but what if we changed the way we thought. Instead of hassle and hard work we think of it as healthy excersie, to walk around and see things, explore new places etc. Perhaps its all really a state of mind