In my short time on this planet I have lived a life of idealism, back in the days of school and college my life was lived in a sense of black and white, in a relationship don’t cheat. Life is.. sorry was… yes or no.
Sat here on a friday night back home, walking through a door alone to what once was and I see things in a different light. Couples go home, snuggle up and such stuff, me.. Well Im just sat here eating cheese on toast in my coat and hat that I walked up the hill with because of the lack of heating.
I look at the blog stats and the most popular one is jennifer anniston topless. Odd
Fuck, I miss coming home to someone, someone I love and jezz does that hurt even to admit something like that. Yes today I went for coffee with Vikki and that was as nice as it was hard.
Imagine being on a beach, the waves are oddly rough and pounding and yet make such a gentle sound. The sun beams down onto the left cheek in such as way thats like a rechargable battery. The meer feeling of warmth resonating within and then you turn and look at someone who… well is troubled but happy.
*sigh* God my perception is fucked and god would I like to believe, I WANT to believe. She is there calm, serenity everything just easy.
My head has never, ever nestled into a womans shoulder…ever. that’s categorical. I am there for them never the other way around and yet this time was just irresistible. For that moment everything went away, to be that vunerable.. wrong word but to feel like you CAN do that was immense.
Of couse this being marxworld it wouldnt be the same without a twist. Shes a hippyISH type and suffers from the same issue as me, cares. Her ex is on the scene and she wants to help him, that I can never begrudge. In turn I want to help her to see what she really is and can become. In essence Im a stepping stone.. once again.
Im almost ready for what has to happen…..almost