Doesnt this ever get easier

Fuck sake yet again, will this ever get easier.  Guess whos been in touch today after freaking months?  An ld pain resurfaced in the chest that hasnt been felt in a very, very long time.  That sort of imploding exploding thing, kind of like a black hole forming right in the middle of the rib cage.   This is a pain which I hoped deep down I’d never have to feel this intense for a long, long time and tonight it’s back.  I should of know when I jokingly tried to ask out a lass in the last few days and got turned down because…

Continue reading “Doesnt this ever get easier”

Doesnt this ever get easier

Decisions Decisions

Working away and off on travels, my cat smug has been with a friend now on and off for pretty much the last year.

Now that Im back home and settled is as much as I can be in a place that I can’t stand my mind starts to need company and the company that I had was my cat.

The problem is that as much as Id like her back the person that’s been looking after her, who lives alone and doesnt socialise that much, has grown attached to my cat.

Cue todays dilemma, as much as I really do like the animal it’s going to feel very selfish to keep her after a year or so with another person. Around xmas time I was going over there every day to see here whilst things settled down getting back from dubai. Of course outstaying my welcome in Marchish time.

So what the hell do I do, if i have her back I make the person looking after it incredibly unhappy or do I just take it like a man and give her to her as a thank you type thing

Decisions Decisions

When youre down. A good kicking ensues

Freaking he’ll what is going on when you work your ass off top amd bottom trough thick amd thin and it takes one comment from a loud mouth teenage cow to blab off about things she only half hears.

With a situation like this who should I be pissed at. The girl who’s a loud mouth cunt or the employers who take her word over mine at a drop of a hat and then decide to vet all their crap at me on Facebook and then can me.

Next day I walk down to go and sort things out to then be ignored and snubbed by all parties concerned. Fuck me it just doesn’t get easier does it? I’ll answer my own question.

Beliving and having a healthy frear of what comes Arlington goes around I have lived by means of helping out whenever and wherever possible. People find me out, rant, rave tell me their issues, I help in whatever way, issue gets solved and off they go on their ways. I never mind except at time like these where at a low ebb with still further to fall I wonder why the same is never afforded to me.

When my life is shit and the world has taken it’s toll on me who is there to talk to, a helping hand, fek me even for the sub of a ten quid note whilst in this perpetual state of waiting to get paid. No one.

Ironic isn’t it that it write a blog in place of talking to people. Speaking of people going back to work really doesn’t look like that’s an option. Even more so now I realise that I fit in even less when this was just a healthy paranoia. Fuck me being right is a curse. Who remembers me writing about there is no good it’s just the lesser of 2 evils. The least bad option if you will. Something that I don’t really want to deal with, scratch that. Can deal with.

What then? Serous consideration is being given to the dole and some sort of mobile home. Fuck the system. It’s actually being planned. Net is possible with mobile dongles, washing and showering is the real bug bearer right now.

As of tomorrow life good ls are being out up for sale on eBay. Bidders appreciated.

When youre down. A good kicking ensues

Money. I finally get it

Phew, finally the message has sunk in and it;s very … VERY simple..

No one gives a shit. Unless you are with that speical one, no one gives a stuff. The preconception of anyone giving a damn without their own benefits being in mind is gone, long dead, no ore and perhaps its been a joke all along.

No one does nothing without a preconvied notion of whats in it for them. Fuck me is this the end of friendhship, yup I believe it is.

In a time where money is at it lowest, the recesion means that the rich still get richer and it’s the BBC3 community that the BEEB respond to, you start to see where things truely lie.

Money isnt the route of all evil its the one common denomiator that binds those that have against those that don’t, after all those that don’t are the friends on the outside.

Violence makes violence,
Greed makes greed
Image percives image.

Fuck, right now just some good wouldnt go amis, walking around london town I could smile at some of the good things I saw, now i prey for a smile aimed at my way…..

Money. I finally get it

The world has changed..

One thing ive learnt on these tralel of mine recently is the world has changed and i didnt realise it..

I’ve never felt so completly out of place in all the palces that ive been recently. Places have changed, people have changed and I still feel the same. Yes I retreat into a world of my own for a while when thing go to pop but strolling around towns and citys I walk about with almost an amazement.

London, for my pure hatred of it has somehow become quite and amourous city, smiling happy places for the majority including a greggs the bakers in a run down place near edgeware. Watching couples walk together and smile, just seems so far away like a foreign concept, jeez I can’t even wait in a busy line these days without a swear breaking out and nerves getting the better of me. Yes it’s easier to retreat into my world.

And this month of all months I discover e-mails from the ex which reminds me that shes getting married in just a few days. There was a small bond between us still even after this amount of time, now though what was once there has just vanished, leaving me feeling a little more lost than before.

Most days the person I get to speak to the most is myself which in turn leads to more social awkwardness and then a self fulfilling prophecy of retracting into a world.

On a rare e-mail from a friend I was asked what’s my dreams or ambitions, any ideas on how hard that was to answer? Nothing..none.. nada. At the moment the only real aim I have is to sign on with full benefits and be able to afford to eat and have the net, without debts piling up…

More on this tomorrow.

The world has changed..

Old reminders – 2006

Only real men know how to treat the woman he loves. This is the sweetest
thing in the world. Read, Learn, and Put into good use.

1. Tell her she is beautiful, not hot.

2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second. (Kiss it)

3 . Kiss her on the forehead.

4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.

5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she’s wearing.

6 . When she is upset, hold her tight and tell her how much
she means to you.

7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!

8 . Call her baby.

9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.

11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}

12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.

13 . Play with her hair.

14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.

15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.

16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.

17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you
missed her.

18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms while watching the move she picked

19 . Carve your names into a tree.

20 . If she’s mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.

21 . CUDDLE.

22 . Bring her flowers just because.

23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you’re alone.

24 . Look her in the eyes and smile. (Everyday)

25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.

26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn’t any music playing.

27 . Kiss her in the rain. (It’s sexy & unexpected)

28 . If your in love with her . . . tell her. (Everyday is not promised)

Old reminders – 2006