One thing ive learnt on these tralel of mine recently is the world has changed and i didnt realise it..
I’ve never felt so completly out of place in all the palces that ive been recently. Places have changed, people have changed and I still feel the same. Yes I retreat into a world of my own for a while when thing go to pop but strolling around towns and citys I walk about with almost an amazement.
London, for my pure hatred of it has somehow become quite and amourous city, smiling happy places for the majority including a greggs the bakers in a run down place near edgeware. Watching couples walk together and smile, just seems so far away like a foreign concept, jeez I can’t even wait in a busy line these days without a swear breaking out and nerves getting the better of me. Yes it’s easier to retreat into my world.
And this month of all months I discover e-mails from the ex which reminds me that shes getting married in just a few days. There was a small bond between us still even after this amount of time, now though what was once there has just vanished, leaving me feeling a little more lost than before.
Most days the person I get to speak to the most is myself which in turn leads to more social awkwardness and then a self fulfilling prophecy of retracting into a world.
On a rare e-mail from a friend I was asked what’s my dreams or ambitions, any ideas on how hard that was to answer? Nothing..none.. nada. At the moment the only real aim I have is to sign on with full benefits and be able to afford to eat and have the net, without debts piling up…
More on this tomorrow.