What the hell is going on.

Right ok, so when did I start going off my rocker when getting drunk, causing arguments, almost causing fights, almost getting into fights, upsetting people, kneeling on my knees in the middle of a road wanting to get run over.  Something is not right in my mind and I’m fucked if I have an idea what it is.  Oh did I mention this happening, my blacking out and not remembering a thing?

Continue reading “What the hell is going on.”

What the hell is going on.

Space reserved.. Updated

Isn’t she just the most perfect looking in the world. Elliot from Scrubs..  More blogging to come later tonight and I promise to write what happened 2 Saturdays ago.

Oh and a video might be coming out soon.  So this is one of the harder blogs to write as it involves a certain lass at least a moment of recongnition.  It’s rare for me to get an apology even more so when women are involved.

Continue reading “Space reserved.. Updated”

Space reserved.. Updated

rubbing it in.. cont.. part 2.. again

Well the email that I sent out of no other reason than wanting to clear the air has bitten me on the ass.  It was meant in no other way, shape or form than to be clearing the air and being nice, a thank you.  No.. not with me it seem’s its been mis interpreted.  Fuck is it that hard just to do something nice, from the soul, being fucking normal without it going wrong.  NO. Fuck, remember Im the guy that had the chance to be me, normal, not the arsing, dick wad arrogant cunt that I was that night.

Continue reading “rubbing it in.. cont.. part 2.. again”

rubbing it in.. cont.. part 2.. again

rubbing it in… part 2

Yup its still not letting up. No really people think that I make a lot of this content up or perhaps in a sanitised world it’s hard to comprehend things can happen like this.

As we all know the mindphuck on monday was bad enough however thats been topped. 2 people I know of locally have just got hitched, all loved up etc etc but thats fine, can’t be bitter about that and it’s nice to see, bringing a smile to a weary old face like mine.

Roll forward to wednesday and out with a mate and his 2 palls for a change. Bowling in Milford (not far from the ex so that doesn’t play on my mind at all) Came last at first game, first on the last game (go figure).

The 2 other guys we are out with work with mate at his local supermarket, where the lass also works. Both work in the butchers.. Mind isnt awake at this point and then it hits me about 4 hours later.

One of the guys is a regular hookup with said girl, also part of the is she, isn’t she pregnant saga.

What the fuck… How does this need to happen. A free lift for this guy as he didn’t even get me a coke or anything but then I realised something. On saturday when I got to see her phone as part of the whole “banter” about phones and a name of “Dan” was on her list. Above my number which she hadn’t even bother to save as a proper name.

Well at least she kept my number for a while.

Does this happen at this time of the year, end of the summer and people start hooking up?

rubbing it in… part 2

And just to rub it in.

Funny isn’t it how things come, go and at the end there is someone left back looking over things and seeing the outcome.

As anyone who reads this (thanks 2 people) knows of the clusterfuck of sat so here’s the follow up.

Recap, sat’s night *date* that fucked I up with and then watched her get off with another fella is still a bit fresh so things stil seem a bit raw.

See Rach in the local town with her fella, typically as this sounds, weights lost, new hair do and happy. Can’t fault that and did bring a smile to my face

Gentelmens club down my local. 25 men with women (all of them coupled up) dressed up to the nines turn up for a charity do, including fella who lass went off with. Yup what a way to feel freaking great and it just happened to be that time of year when people are pairing off etc. (cue a great long sigh).

And finally, the ex texts me to ask how it went.

Anyone care to bother trying to point out any positives?

And just to rub it in.

Last night’s disaster


Just wanted to write to make sure that you are ok after last night, you looked a bit hacked off and to be honest if that guy stood you up then its complely, 100% his loss.

About last night, had to leave for obvious reasons but I did make sure that you got home all ok, Anthony was on his way back for you when I called. Like I say hope things are better.

Don’t worry I wont be bending your ear about Julie. I did cock up last night and didn’t pay her the attention she was (in hindsight) looking for. Just wish that i had come across as being less arrogant. To be honest I still like the girl a lot but don’t worry I haven’t got her number and such anymore so I won’t be making things awkard and all that.

There was a time of the night where she was gonig shes not interested and such and then out of the blue im asking if she doesnt like me (she never said she didnt) she just comes out that shes scared of fucking it up. Competly confusing then after that as she was holding my hand at times and even kissed me (side of the face). The girls that I was speaking to were saying stuff like stick in there, she;s nice and we look good together, have to agree there.

Btw this has been very, VERY rare that I’ve had women come up and speak to me, well anyone speak to me. If you think on it how many times does that happen to me lol. Way I think of it is that women see a guy with a lass, it’s less intimidating and they feel more at ease.

Anyways I still really like the girl and I know she’s just gone through a shit load. If she honestly likes Jamie more than me fair enough. If you can explain to her that I don;t always get it right when I’m out and, believe me, the rach thing still haunts me.

On that subject I hope you believe me that I don’t justify my cheating on her with the basis that her life is better now what so ever. I do smile when I see her out as she’s got her shit together big time and to know that I was once part of her life means a lot to me.

Call me a moron but my offer is still out there, if you guys fancy doing something a bit different, heading into town, pool and cheap drinks in weatherspoons then I’m still up for it. Tho I do expect a blow out (again). I’d love to just do something different out and about to see if I can get to know her better. That’s up to her, whilst I write this mammoth mail I think that I’ve no chance on that.

Finally, I’d like to take you out to the cinema to say thank’s for being inbetween all this. Scott Pilgrim vs The World is a good film and would be something different to do in the week. I’ve got an offer on with tickets and Im going to town so you wouldn’t have to spend a penny.

Sorry this mails gone on a bit, just easy to talk to you about it as you know all the stuff that’s gone on.

Last night’s disaster

Forgetting is a good thing

There is nothing like forgetting things at times. You might forge say how bad some fruit tastes after you re try it but then try something else thats since long been tasted and wow isnt that great.

Then you can imagine what its like on the opposite side of the scale to forget how something can feel to remember that and belive me thats a pisser. NO in fact its a cunt of a thing beause when you remember a feeling or something it can unfortunately open your eyes.

Ill write more here tomorrow as its an interesting view on going from one side of things to another, side of things, sorry meant feelings. Like I said at the start, forgetting can be a good thing. Think of all the heartbreak spared if you had never loved. To never have loved means to have never lost and those who go through heart wrenching stuff know what I’m on about.

Will write more shortly

Forgetting is a good thing