The Julie paradox part 2

Tonight has been one of those nights where I am wondering what the hell what went wrong and why and I can’t for the life of me wonder all know what I’ve done wrong.

So now I am in my local sitting there quietly with the friends just having a drink or two divorce while away the time. I see this woman across the bar and she instantly has that something about 10 what that something is I have no idea that she had that something. Not the most attractive last in the world but by no means the ugliest in the world that she had something about her . I can tell already by the way I am answering that I’m interested and thinking that she’s with her boyfriend I stay well away and keep myself to myself but all the time she’s inviting me to come over and join a group. I made winds of this saying that I don’t want to interrupt their work meeting .

Next thing I know she ups and Muse next to me and starts sitting down and talking to me. A few moments later she has fully psycho analysed me by the way are talking on the level where we just seem to have connected.

Arrived here you meet the same sort of folk over and over the painful than stuck in ways don’t like change don’t like this one that they are pretty much who they are in an age where change is almost mandatory . Yet as we sat there talking she have a complete grasp on me something that I’ve done two people in myself where I can sit down and see them and know them in instant.

I follow all the rules, not speaking too much, listening, interacting, I’m letting her do most of the talking whilst answering her questions when she takes an interest in me. To be honest when we were talking I really wanted to go back to hers , not to get up to anything to ward but just to be able to able to speak to her any more secluded setting. She pretty much takes all my boxes when she came over and talk to me it was like a similar experience I have a few years ago when I went over to talk to my lass and ended up pulling her.

No this isn’t a classic case of fun seen a woman who comes and talks to you because believe it or not this has happened more than once on me but in this instance she just had something. Anyways I digress so we are sat there and she has to go to the toilets. Off she goes and being the gentleman that I am I wait a few minutes. A few minutes to into town. It’s at this point I take a big sigh I realise that once again I’m sat at a bar looking out the other persons have drank glass of wine and realising once again I’ve ended up in another Julie situation.

As far as I’m concerned we were getting along just fine talking like normal people and there was nothing more to it may be perhaps there were a few subtle hints that I didn’t respond to execute a shameless but I like to think that I dropped a few of my own. Then again I am pretty darn hopeless at hinting anything just as bad as receiving hints.

To make the matter worse she also works at a local where I am potentially trying to get a job. So you can all see how this could end up but I really hope for ones that they can just sort of progress onwards from here on in. Thinking forward now yup she is pretty much out of my league. But there is just that something about her that would actually makes me try I know that sounds on but sometimes you meet someone and you think if I just applied my finger do a little bit more. No worries however because I realise just how sound that sounds.

I guess my plan has to be to talk to her and apologise for making her feel uncomfortable and just put up with the awkwardness that is inevitably going to happen. Part of the wishes he really didn’t have to be like that but there we are. Until next time.

The Julie paradox part 2


Is a test.

It has recently occurred to me just how much creatures of habit been really all our. On not sure where this observation has come from perhaps it stems from being out of work for the last nine months and having way too much time on my hands.

For example, my working day would consist of getting up, going to work no matter how bad all depressed or how much I do not want to go to work, coming home and lighting the fire, watching TV, then going to bed at the end of the day like most normal people.

Nine months or my patterns have changed completely now I wake up in the morning for an hour to make sure I get the post, go back to bed for a few hours and then spent most of the day wandering around with no idea of what to do. Back when I was in work my mind was always thinking always coming up with new ideas and generally being creative. Now it takes all my efforts just to put on some close that aren’t jogging bottoms or something to that effect.

This is what I don’t understand our patterns weren’t at a young age for example do we get used to doing certain things at certain times to such a point that we don’t want to break out of our normal routine for example, began, a friend of mine who I play darts with pretty much will not break out other normal routine that he is used to. Now you might think that is fine which is fair enough people are happy doing what they do however he is 10 years younger than myself and yet I still yearning to go off and try new things even if there is a possibility that it may fail. My friend however draws a blank and white line and refuses to even step outside the box. Is that a pattern all is he aware of something I’m not?

This then brings me onto another interesting point. Does this mean I have yet to fully grow up because if I am still trying to do these things that people call on all pointless does that make me a lesser person than them?

So now this leaves me in a situation where I seem to be second-guessing myself and comparing myself to people that seem so set in their ways that I don’t understand why but perhaps I feel that I should also be as set in my ways. Perhaps wanting to go off and do things like go to a different part that may or may not be dead or come up with a new business idea is my pattern?

All the time I am trying to make sense of things trying to work out what is what and the more I tried to understand the more I find I’m incapable or don’t have the intelligence to understand worse still is that I lack the confidence to just be me and to deal with people. Yes I have people around me that seem to like belittling every and any idea I have but those are my friends aren’t the only friends that I have. I have to make do with the fact that in times of confrontation during an argument where I know I am right by still half to back down just to keep the peace. This frustrates the living daylights out of me when I am always being asked to make exceptions for other people yet I feel that the same luxury is never afforded to myself.

Perhaps these are the ramblings of a bitter cynical person whose life experiences have never really amounted to much. At the end of the day I have travelled almost around the world, seen some amazing places, and run my own business for five years. But no matter what I’ve done and where I have been it all seems to be for nothing. At the end of the day the only thing I have to look forward to,. Actually I can’t answer that what do I look forward to. What are my aims? Where do I want is to be?

Try as I might I can’t answer these questions to myself, perhaps I achieved too much too soon or I lacked the guiding influences to help me along the way but one thing I do know is that it’s 2:30 and time for bed.


James May Toy Stories, the new Series

Can i just say what an excellent bit of television that was tonight.

It’s not often that I will go out of my way to watch a TV program even with the technical revolution that is called high definition. Even tho most programs may be in high definition the quality and subject of the program always leaves a lot to be desired. Tonight however there was a good change for once in the shape of James May toy stories.

In an age where TV seems to be at opposite end of the scale is with either BBC three as an option or BBC for all the others and of the spectrum whilst all the other channels slot somewhere in a nice comfortable politically correct zone that’s not going to offend anyone and is the mainstream of bulk of programming, James may toy stories fits around then unique Sunday evening family television treat.

Normally I am the most cynical person when it comes to TV programmes such as this yett for one glorious hour I find myself smiling at the TV genuinely enjoying a program where there appears to be no false pre tense other than doing something because someone had an idea to do something.

With an extra twist of the Germans being involved in a six train raise the ending was always going to be inevitable but still that did not take away the joy of a nice simple program such as this.

James and may toy stories is shown in the UK on BBC two Sunday evenings at 8 PM

James May Toy Stories, the new Series