The belated Snelly Xmas present

Seeing as what’s again I’ve had a horrendous time sleep, waking up cold for the third nights in a row despite having an electric blanket, I thought I would cheer myself up by giving Snelly ihis delayed Christmas gift.

To give you the back story to these photos. What advice was just sitting at home doing my thing and I get a text from asking me, my sorry, saying “naughty pics”

This message was for one of her many fuck buddies i played along. Naturally she wanted me to go first so I declined. After some back and forth on who was to go first by eventually and I said if she goes first then I will follow.

Although what she doesn’t actually realise is that I didn’t send any pictures of me. Instead I hits few websites, took some carefully aligned photos that shows just enough and sent them instead 🙂

So without further ado, Snelly , here are your pictures.

The belated Snelly Xmas present

Non-identifiable information

In my role as a system administrator/helpdesk minion I get to see lots of lovely things on a day-to-day basis. Normally in the form of emails that have been blocked by the firewall for containing inappropriate content someone has decided that the best way to send a picture to their colleague next door is not to place it onto the intranet to send a 25 MB file via email.

And so it was with great joy that one of the attachments blocked this week was the result of our staff questionnaire.

At the very top set questionnaire it states
“There is no personally identifiable information on this survey”

Course being suspicious/paranoid type I’m individuals into the source code to find someone identifiers under JavaScript. I can’t safely sure it looks like it might be the IP address of the machine used. After all the has to be some way to weed our duplicate results.

Set my paranoia as side and make my way through all 20 questions answering strongly disagree to a vast proportion of them. thinking that my anonymous answers Maeshowe of the changing thinking or at least raise awareness and seven the issues it worked wings page 20 whereupon. You asked farming

Think that my anonymous answers might show different thinking only at least raise awareness of sin issues I progressed with gusto through the questions until the final page whereupon you get asked the following.

What departments do you working? How long have you worked for the company?

Is that me or does that give whoever sees the results on way to identify who has answered one question?

To give you an example where there are three of us in our departments. One of us has worked here for five years one of us has worked here for two days one of us has worked here for less than six months

That seems a way of identifying who has said what doesn’t it?

I neglected to answer both questions on the right that is my right to do so I nightwear in any part of the instructions did it warned me that I had not answered this question and it is mandatories.

Guess what, if you didn’t answer that last page your results don’t count.

And how do I know this?. While to come for circle the results of the question and break down the results by, guess what, department.

Then a confidential email sent to heads of departments the ones that answered strongly disagreed were classified as “disgruntled employees”.

Never ceases to amaze me how statistics can be massaged. Less than 50% of our workforce filled in the questionnaire. I’m yet because less people answered they scored higher than in 2012.

I want really good to me about this whole situation. Is that my comments that I made at the bottom of the questions were edited.

And I happen to know they are because being the paranoid Beeston Byung, I had the sense of mind to copy all my answers down for future reference.

I’m not sure what I should be more upset about. The way this has all happened all the response from my manager that when I play dumb he was focused more on the fact that no one can be identified rather than the fact that my answers didn’t count.

I somehow get the feeling that they are not used to being stood up to I’m asking for answers rather than being told to forget about it as and I quote “it’s not that important”

Non-identifiable information

When it rains

Well it’s fair to say in the last 24 hours since my last blog post things haven’t exactly gone too well.

It’s hard to know exactly where to start so let’s go from 2 AM Saturday morning. For one reason and another I didn’t end up getting home till stupidly late. I never normally too worried about knowing that someone has been in my house whilst I am away because it’s normally my neighbours. Pretty much my name is our saints, as close to God as I think you could possibly get.

With my letterbox still being in the dining position I was grateful of the potential to have no mail as no news is good news as we all know.

Unfortunately I did have mail and it turns out I have to go to court for a speeding ticket. A speeding ticket that could have easily been avoided if I had filled in the paperwork to go to the driver awareness course. I don’t know why I thought I had five months in which to organise this but it turns out you do but only if you apply within 14 days. Fuck fuck and duck.

Q a long and sleepless nights with me cursing myself as I already have another three points in the wings for not using my mobile phone whilst driving. It’s not my fault that the police are pig ignorant bastards who don’t keep up with technology and have no idea what voice recognition is.

After eight few hours of drink induced sleep I was then awoken with a phone call from work. Just as I predicted nobody could get onto the Internet. This always happens to me whether certain duty manager is on shift and I’m on call, guaranteed 100%.

Let me explain something about the on-call system. We get a very small retainer to place our lives on hold over the weekend on the off chance that we get a phone call about the system issue. If I remember correctly it’s approximately £40. This means that I’m on standby from 7 AM till 10:30 PM and the proviso of the contract is I must respond to any course within 30 minutes and be able to be on site within 45 minutes

That’s not so bad you might say but living out here in the middle of nowhere the phone signal can show to 3 bars (if I’m lucky) on the phone still won’t ring.

The only good thing is that if we do have to attend site we get paid £30. The map only covers us for three hours i.e. travelling there which is about 45 minutes, doing the work which is always around about one hour if you’re lucky, and then another 45 minutes home. You take into account the cost of diesel wearing tear and everything else it barely works out justifiable.

The good news was that for once my connection to the office actually Word meaning that I wouldn’t have to go in and attend site. The bad news is is that the fixed and I tried didn’t work.

You guessed it I’m having to go into work.

Before going to work I thought it might be an idea to light the fire as for the last two days there have been no heating at all. I fire lighting skills had obviously left me for the morning as I ended up with smouldering pile of coal that was never going to go anywhere.

At least the journey to work and back was uneventful so that’s something to be thankful for.

But the misery of the day still has more to come.

Another mistake I’ve made recently was asking the United States Postal Service where my package was. Okay so it took four days together reply which is no surprise given the size of the company and the holiday period but the reply in itself was useless. In 10 paragraphs they manage Tolmie nothing that they can have said with one wine. Basically check with UPS I’m not them even though they were responsible for sending the package.

Handy hints Andy him to anyone purchasing from the United States of America is always use a Currier at the end of the day it might cost more but you are paying for peace of mind.

I think what has really annoyed me and has my gander completely up is that last night going to my local there was a young farmers do.

Of course this being a young farmers events all of the nails there were ridiculously fit, ridiculously greens, I’m hardwood Ditka sleep good looking girlfriends. In short there was not a minger insight. I can just about handle that on their condescending dazes the daring to walk into my own local.

Really, really winds me up is when you see two people from work I knew know that they have seen you and they know they have seen you and yet completely blanking you. I mean for fuck sake YouView made eye contact with them and they just to remind trying to make it look like they haven’t seen you.

Mary, one of the girls who ignored me, is now on his second offence despite me asking your completely a white how can she didn’t even have the manners to say hello or even smile and nod my way. You tell me, is that really too much to ask?

Then again she is just a trophy girlfriend obviously laying off the money from her boyfriend judging by the car and the clinching kids. How do I know this? Because I’ve seen how much it she earns on the system at work.

Dayna, who works as the help desk and facilities coordinator for maintenance at work did surprise me. I honestly thought she was a little bit better than that as we do have a bit of a joke at work at times and enjoy the old bit of banter. She doesn’t strike me as the most cleverest person in the world but yes she has gone for your stereotypical 6 foot, built like a brick shit house boyfriend.

What is just came up something here it’s not what I was after a full on fledged conversation. It’s not like I was asking for a long degree of interaction. Is it really too much to ask that someone is Blyton of ctenoid your assistance with a small smile all know that there had just to be polite?

So my plan for now is that I’m not going to bring it up but to wait for my moment. When you never to book or comes into the help desk I’m not going to piss in mind I’m going to ask them so, did you enjoy the other night?

When it rains

The day after Boxing Day post.

Who would’ve thought it the day after Boxing Day and I quite like Christmas Eve and christmas day after all.

It’s not the gifts and neither is it the excessive amount of alcohol and food consumed over the two days. It’s something much more than that.

Okay so I might start Christmas day having to drive to work but that in itself isn’t the worst experience in the world. With barely any traffic it makes the daily commute an absolute joy.

I’ll have you ever noticed that there is kind of a piece in the day that you never get any other time of the year other than Christmas day. It’s absolutely beautiful to hear and feel the tranquil nature of the day. For that one solitary day most of the world has taken his foot off the pedal, sat down and just enjoyed themselves.

It also just struck me how safe Christmas Day night feels as well. Any other time in the year when I walk the dogs are waiting night there is a healthy amount of fear from walking around in the dark worrying about strangers and such. Not so much on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not all a joyous occasion. I still really, really miss seeing my dad over Christmas and having no family now to speak off , At times, make you feel very alone in this world of ours.

When I was growing up and never really had a very memorable Christmas. As long as I can remember it was all about mum and dad fighting about you got custody of me during the day. Whilst I understand that my biological mother would want to see me on Christmas day is just a shame that she wasted half of it by getting absolutely drunk the night before.

Latter years weren’t any better either. Running a pub means you get very little in the way of free time quite often Christmases for me was spent on my own but at least with people in the same building. These will be my mother and her name husband sleeping off more excess consumed alcohol.

Granted dance, God bless his soul, wasn’t exactly the best at doing Christmas stuff either but, and this is a very big important but, at least he made the effort. Four example I would actually be a way to help decorate the tree and we would either go and see people or they would come and see us throughout the days we were there. He never spoke much to me really in depth but that didn’t matter because all things being said it felt the most comfortable out of any given situation.

I’m so my Christmas has barely Lefteris I’m going to try to look forward to it more next year. I’m going to take some time off over Christmas I’m thoroughly enjoy the peace quiet of it all.

I’m in if I end up spending another Christmas on my own at least I can take some solace in the fact that there are very many happy families out there.

The day after Boxing Day post.

The Christmas eve post

The Christmas eve post.

“It’s been a funny old day”. After doing a mammoth 40 hour shift at work it’s fair to say that I was pretty much wasted upon coming out of my slumber.

I slumbered that was interrupted bimetallic shed being blown over in the storm and then having to go to put it out of its misery with a massive great big tree trunk.

As you might imagine I didn’t wake up with the best of demeanours this morning. Being tired quite often leaves me in an emotional state and even more so at this time of year. I’m so Uniforce verse thought to take the proverbial knife and do a bit of twisting this morning. As I was looking for some Sellotape i’m hunting range for that and you stack of Christmas cards I always find on Boxing Day, I came across some old Christmas cards from years gone past.

Judging by the amount of dust on them these cards had not been moved for some time, stored in drawer of doom. It’s the complete opposite of that “somewhere safe” that you put things that you know you are eventually going to need only in this instance you are just hoarding crap.

It wasn’t bad enough to find one of the last Christmas cards that dad sent to me before he passed away imagine how I felt when I discovered a Christmas cards made out especially to the big X.

I’m not ashamed to Annette that my eyes did instantaneously well up up reading one of the last few messages from my dad especially who it was directed out.

With a heavy heart I slapped on my christmas jumper I made my way to work by McDonald’s. At least one good thing about Christmas is that the traffic is basically non-existent. Although the lack of traffic didn’t make up for the excruciatingly long wait just have my order taken and then when it arrived, being served to the car as obviously nobody wants to eat on Christmas Eve morning, they bought me the wrong order. I guess that should’ve been the sign to wait number 3 to happen.

And low a few hours later it did. Yup, you guessed it the big X made contact again. This is two days worth of contact knife and quite why she’s doing it around Christmas I have no idea.

I will actually posting tired two day transcript even if some parts are a little bit cringeworthy because I’m open to criticism. I don’t often see where I’m going wrong or what I’m saying is wrong maybe perhaps could be dying I am just a little bit retarded.

Any way yet again she accuses me of attacking her when I’m just asking simple questions. I really don’t need her in my life. Perhaps I may have contemplated one last thought if the opportunity came along at the end of the day with three kids I don’t a baseball bat is going to touch the sides. Philip, remind me to post pictures here. (This will be your Christmas present)

By midday it really has just become the case of finding my way through the day. The hours tipped over until the time I needed to go to hospital for a CT scan. But no, wait, Wife was not done with me yet. As I’m about to leave the barmaid from my local asked if I can print some pictures out for her.

“Of course I don’t mind it will be my Christmas present to you”
“It’s only about six pictures is okay?”
“That’s not a problem” and this is where I made the fatal mistake.
“What size do you want them?”
Of course it was never going to be standard photographic size, I will know is dad it was carking cottony of different sizes in inches which I then had to convert it to centimetres.

“Bollocks” I thought I’m just find out the window is printing options for photos I left work a little bit early to drop the pictures off before my CT scan.

Thankfully the CT scan was an uneventful part of my day is somewhat Move writing. Not only is it bad enough to have an injection then to have fluid pumped into your body for the scanter work but then also to get the sensations like you would just about to piss yourself due to the said fluid.

I total time in the hospital must’ve been about 30 minutes which I’m going to take as my Christmas miracle LOL.

The rest of the day was spent back at work trying to resize these pictures in the easiest way possible. This involved using a pain programming bit of software, resizing, cropping, doing this for five sizes, and then placing it into Microsoft Word. Yes, I realise that was yet again another mistake of the day to trust Microsoft word with anything.

Will it came to printing images the resolution had been lost and the images looks jagging meaning that some home tonight I have to do 30 images all over again and probably get them to her for Christmas day morning quite early on.

At least I’ve learnt to love my expectations of happiness. It may be cold and dark but at least it’s not raining and Tesco wasn’t that busy.

As I write this at 7 PM the rest of my evening will consist of a microwave spaghetti Bolognese, microwaved creamed rice pudding and then running to drop off these pictures to see if I can get away with the print quality (fucking Microsoft Word).

I have no doubt I will be updating the post later on so stay tuned

The Christmas eve post

So how was your black friday

Christ I’m almost starting to hate writing posts like these. I always said that whenever I can I’d like to post the more positive aspects of marxworld but this weekend has been a killer.

Where to start…

Friday Morning.
Thoughts of dad as it’s near xmas never a good start in a way but still keeping positive.

Searching for Sellotape I find a load of old cards. Reading through them I discover one for the Big ex. As in actually written to her. This puts me in a stupidly emotional mood.

Yet more car problems as my car tries to literally kill me. For whatever reason it goes from turning slightly to an almost, wheels tucking under, massive oversteer situation.

Dinner Time. Thankfully nothing happens and it’s cracking on to 5pm.

4.55. Problem at work just before home time. Turns out to be nothing but end up getting piss wet through for the third time in a day.

7pm ish. Home. Only to find a letter asking me to go for a CT scan on Xmas eve of all times. It’s nothing bar just making sure the gland thats causing me grief in my face isn’t anything worth worrying about.

9pm ish. Right off to the local. Black friday bound to be a good laugh. Turns out theres 3 people in there.

10pm ish. The magic darts are lost. Just recently I’ve been on stellar form thanks to some perfect arrows. Now they are no where to be seen. Not that it matters as there’s no one to throw with.

Midnight. Home. To receive yet more bad news that a girl I’d sent a message to on POF was a work colleague. I say that like I somehow know her. I know of her but not her. Cue being ridiculed even tho it wasn’t said and I have AP to be thankful for that. Even in her pissed state she was still kind enough to soften the blow about what was actually said about me.

So doing a slut drop, getting phone numbers and then chatting up a miniging taxi driver puts me at the bottom of a list that she would speak to.

Snelly would get this. Ahem. Looking for a nice man, where have all the genuine ones gone, been hurt before etc etc. Insert cliche thing here and you get your standard dating profile on POF. This described AH.

All I know is that :”she’s had loads of messages” and “she said you were too full on”.

I had one talk with her in work when i was fixing her machine. My darn message to her was, what I classed it ass, just taking an interest so we had something to talk about.

God bless you AP for sparing my feelings tho…

So how was your black friday