As I walked through my front door on Friday afternoon and saw the placement had been somehow I knew the letter lying on the floor was not going to be good. Dear M, we regret to inform you…
I’m glad to say I honestly don’t know where I’m going wrong in my interviews. My answers are concise yet passionate, I have the necessary skills for the role and yet I just don’t seem to have that “thing” they are looking for. When I left the second interview I did get the inkling that I had failed to make an overwhelming impact.
All this has left me in a pretty negative mood despite my best efforts. I know it’s silly to think the world is against you but sometimes, just sometimes the world makes you wonder.
Take for example my mobile eBay idea. It’s a pretty simple idea where I turn up to peoples houses and do all the heavy lifting of putting their stuff on eBay. Not the best idea but something that may make some pocket change on the side. At the very least I was hoping it would be more of a revenue generator than asking the two people who read this blog to click on a video link for me LOL.
After I had pitched my eBay idea to the new enterprise allowance “Mentor” went about my business, popped in to see a friend to see what he thought about it and then the news came over on the radio that eBay had been hacked.
That’s a clear sign if any that idea wasn’t going to happen.
I’m a great believer that if you have the mindset to think and focus about something you will achieve it. However that can be bad feelings as well as good things and at the moment I can’t shake some unnerving thoughts that I’m having.
Having to move.
Each and every time I’ve ever done some DIY or made the place that I live in slightly more habitable I always end up moving, normally through no fault of myself. With the landladies inspection due in August, her sister proclaiming to all and sundry she wants to live in the place that I’m living in along with once again being employed is just a feeling that I can’t seem to shake.
Living in a caravan.
Whilst I’m not against living in a caravan, in fact I’ve had some of the best times in my mid 20s living in a caravan i’m not entirely sure that this is what I want to end up doing. My mind keeps wandering off to look at plots of land that I might be able to purchase given, hopefully I will get my dads estate sorted soon.
I’m torn between thinking a caravan would be easy living or going backwards from brick and mortar into a caravan might be a sign of yet another failure in life.
Going off the grid.
The upside of living in a caravan is drastically cheap living costs. Caravans are surprisingly cheap to heat, hot water is plentiful as long as you have a gas bottle so it’s not all that bad.
Yet that nagging thought in my head, is that all I aspire to in my life?
Seem to recall one point in my life where I actually had some ambitions and maybe the odd dream or two.
Anyways I could go off the grid mostly but not completely.
As long as I have a leisure battery I could use my laptop for all of my computer needs, a dongle with 15 GB of data would see me through the month even if that does mean popping over to friends houses just to leech each of their Internet. When you break it down to the my simplest of equations all I need to do is eat, sleep, be warm and have a place to poo.
As my dad had so eloquently put it “telly, Belly and bed ”
Having to move away.
When the EU classes the county rust you live in as economically deprived you know you are living in a shit place.
Pembrokeshire is economically challenged believe it or not and one of the poorest counties in Wales possibly the UK. That hasn’t stopped the deluge of affordable housing which in my day used to be known as council housing.
Spite all that living in the countryside and no more than a stones throw away from the beach and the sea weighs heavily on the upside of living around here.
I will be the first 10 minutes that leaving here is an incredibly lonely experience. My social circle consists of nail except for going out on a Friday night and having a game of darts but even that’s become a tortuous affair being more of an obligation than a decent night out.
At least in general I’m left alone to my own devices. I have the best neighbours in the world who gladly help me out looking after my cat should I need to go away etc.
And I honestly don’t know how I would cope being in a big city or town again. Try as I might I generally don’t seem to fit in with people. I’ve read the books, looked up and advice online on home to be, try doing the all important “being yourself” I’m never once has that worked. What chance name at the age of 37 of finding the place where I’m slightly more accepted than not accepted?
When you think about it I’ve travelled quite well, working in places like Dubai, Hong Kong, going to Germany for trips and then train to Madrid twice so I’ve not done too bad but not makes my situation now even worse.
You going to a job interview and tell them all of the credentials that you’ve obtained all of the practical experience that you’ve hard and it’s still not enough. It’s almost like people can’t grasp it or perhaps believe I’ve gone off and done all these things.
If I was to put down in my Resume all of the jobs that I’ve had and all of my experience the standard reply comes back “you’ve had a lot of jobs why is that?” Try explaining to them that you used to be a self-employed contractor and and the immediately think your some fly by night cow boy.
Put down the basics and your left having to field questions like “have you used windows before”yes I’m being serious here I did actually have an IT recruitment agency asked me, after reading all of my details, that she couldn’t see a mention of Windows.
I have given thought to be training I’m going to more manual based jobs. Forklift driving, lorry driving, carpentry, welding all of the sort of jobs around here you could potentially get work for. There is a slight problem with this that the job centre won’t actually pay for any training because they know there are lots of people on the books looking for those particular jobs.
So right now I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere, scared shitless to open my post for the next shitty thing to land on my doorstep, without a hope of getting a job.