Sometimes when I’m writing this blog posts I tend to worry more about what people think of what I write than the message I’m trying to get across.
It’s taken me about 30 minutes to write I haven’t heard from her since Monday night. I’m honestly not that needy but yes, I do miss her, but it’s not like I need constant, instant communication.
But just a little something if that makes sense?
The only good bit of news is that I’ve stopped checking WhatsApp as frequently. I think that’s a good step in the right direction. Sadly.
I still feel like there is a huge piece of me missing right now. It’s like that scene in Pacific rim where the two brothers are linked up to each other in the Yeager and one of them is ripped suddenly away clearing the other person in shock.
Last night I really didn’t sleep well at all. This normally means one of two things. Either having a cup of tea at about 9:30 PM is not the best idea in the world or there is some bad news on the horizon.
Needless to say getting to sleep at 4:30 AM and being up at 7 AM really isn’t helping to lift my spirits.
I don’t think it’s the bad news but I can’t shake those funny “feelings” that I get in my chest. Anyone who’s ever read my previous posts knows that when I get these feelings it’s always a sign of something.
It’s just a shame I don’t know how to interpret those feelings.
There is one sensation that has never, ever let me down. That’s just below the rib cage and just above the stomach and it feels like being winded through a massive punch. This one as I find out earlier year is always in sync with any woman who cheated on me.
Things that I’m feeling now are lower and higher than before. Fuck I hate my lack of knowledge. I might go in check out some books on reiki later on.
Since clearing things up with Sue on Saturday night and remembering she broke down crying when talking to me I’ve been a lot more open and honest with her. Fat lot of good that done me.
It’s always the same isn’t it. They say when you’re depressed you should reach out to friends and family to chat. As I don’t have any family these days that one is out of the window.
And as for friends, well it’s back to the same old same old. They only want to talk to you when they want something from them.
I suppose I’m doing the same just wanting to hear a voice to talk to but the differences I’m not asking for a laptop to be repaired or to borrow some money or anything like that.
Anyways I have been rambling on for long enough. I now have the joy of the job centre to deal with in the next hour.