What another strange day. Big ex has been asking me all sorts of techie stuff which annoys me. It doesn’t take a genius to google the stuff she’s asking. Before you know it I’m playing Netflix sales guy but was taken aback by being asked to come and install Netflix and password protect it.
Fuck it, I agreed and why not. An excuse to get a cup of tea and out of the house. Of course part of me wants to get the end away however I’m planning an in, fix leave visit. Something about potentially meeting husband or any of the three kids doesn’t appeal to me strangely enough.
Hours pass since I say i’d come over when suits her to get a message she’s been at the mortgage advisor with hubby. You can’t make this stuff up but we are “friends” in the loosest sense.
Yesterdays chat ends at 2345
[ME] : : Good end to weekend. Knowing you as I do you made lots of new friends
[HER] : Yes
[ME] : : Somewhere your going to go back to then. Next week I am de toxing for sure.
Today.. 1951 onwards
[HER] : Tonight I am on my own
[HER] : What a weekend
[HER] : I have been to so many places..
[HER] : How are you?
[ME] : : Made it back home or still on the travels?
[HER] : Still in Hamburg
[ME] : : no parties on a monday night requesting the nina?
[HER] : I’m in a bar i went to on Saturday and I like it here.. Funky music
[ME] : : funk is a touch different to german hip hop / garage i think you said you liked the other week.
[HER] : That’s why i love this place.. And 2 already know Laura the Barkeeper and all the Locals..
[HER] : I only have to make sure to get home safely
[ME] : : tis good to know that german hospitality extends beyond munich. All the locals love a new face..
[HER] : Between women always
[HER] : Especially Single women over 30
[ME] : : Goes without sayinf. Fresh meat for the grinder. Did you manage hostel sex
[HER] : No
[HER] : I have my 4 bed dorm for my own.. But haven’t slept there yet
[ME] : : the only place left to christen.
After the above chat with the ex german one I get home and this is playing. some interesting lyrics about being done about thinking about you.. The Vaccines 20/20
At the time not having sex with her didn’t bother me but now it does. What the hell am I lacking in my world to not be able to get past that final bit and get physical. I literally am screaming at myself what the fuck is wrong with me.
Sometimes Im ok with this lack of getting anywhere, other times it makes me mad, not at anyone, not at Nina but myself.
At least tonight I spotted the fact she’s on her own tonight and what better person to talk to than her failsafe… me.
Am I looking at this in the wrong way? Perhaps I should feel fortunate she will talk to me.. But then when you get the single woman thing… Im not so sure.
Think tomorrow might be one of those days of just coping with being down…