It’s coming up to midnight on Thursday night and I don’t mind admitting that once again I might be bordering on what is called a little bit drunk. Needless to say this post is primarily going to be about the German one.
I heard from her earlier this morning saying “I have arrived safely at home, still need time to think”. I haven’t replied. Right now there seems no point. No matter what I do is going to seem like an act of desperation rather than an act of love. Friend of mine said do I have any pictures of her and the only ones I had to show him were the ones of her in her underwear. I feel like I’ve missed a trick here and perhaps should have gone just one or two self is of us together. Maybe it would have reinforced in her mind that we looked okay together? Or maybe I’m just clutching at straws?
Right now I’m making an effort with Emily which makes me feel bad. Am I making an effort with her because she’s actually a really nice girl or is it because I’m on the rebound? The problem I have is that if it came down to a choice between the two I know in a heartbeat who I would choose. The problem with that is that it would be the wrong person to choose that much is obvious, even to me.
At the back of my head however I know that she is what is known in the trade as damaged. That’s not to be derogatory towards her but yet I know that if the situation was different and her life had planned out how she would have liked it I wouldn’t even register on the radar.
This is the problem I have with myself. I never seem to be the first choice rather the choice they make after they realised that sometimes in life you have to settle for se settle there was a small chance I might have a few drinks tomorrow as Friday now to is now officially my night. What do I mean by my night? Well it’s usually a question of playing x-com over on my twitch channel and getting horrendously drunk on my own.
I miss AP.. Lots. It’s funny isn’t it. You always miss what you didn’t realise you had until its gone.
good night all