So its been about three weeks since I last had what oculd be considered as a decent nights sleep. What do I consider to be that? Something more than 4 hours max. Right now Im getting into bed before midnight and not dropping off till about 3am. Up at 7,30 am to feed the dogs and then awake till 8,40. Up at 10 ish, well more like 11 and then start the day.
I hate that. I really do. I should be up at 8am at the very latest to try and get back to normality. Truth is I wake up with excuses. Im cold for a start. I have no insulation in the house, no double glazing, no central heating.
WHen you wear a hat to bed at night that doesnt set you up for the morning believe you me. My bedroom has the lovely capture radious of the street light. I.E no amount of black out curtains is going to stop that bad boy from illuminating my bedroom in such a way that blackpool would be jealous.
There is those few precious hours where my mind might not decide to dwell on mistakes. Its a nightmare of my own sorts of recollecting my own failures. its like a fucking vice like grip on both sides of my head half the time.
THankfully in the week the drinking has been scaled back. Thats not been easy i admit and whislt its not made me get up earlier it has made the few precious moments of the morning more bearable
I lok like shit as well. Weight has piled back onto me. My eyes are deeper than the viens of a crack whore. I havent ran for weeks nor cycled and I really, REALLY dont want to go this sunday. I just dont feel rested despite being a lazy fuck.
Nina hasnt helped the situation nor as the Ex. Shes ben about keeping me on tabs for when shes bored. Even throwing a few pics my way. Still its not that bad at least someone does. Ill share them later but that goes at a risk of alienating someone who reads this and used to send me things.
Its amazing the difference between 2 people sending pics. 1 I dont care sharing with the world and the other id never share with the world.
In my last post I mentinoed about a spot of land with a barn on it. Im severkly tempted it has to be said. Middle of no wher ebut near to the M4. NO electric so soloar power is needed and the rest well. I dont midn shiiting in the woods so to speak. You can stick a lodge on there thats eco friendly for good money thats warm. Lets face it good insulation is the key to these things.
Dad used to have a garden and If i could live out the final years doing a gardening type thing Id be happy. Heck one of my best friends has green fingers and that cant be co-incidence.
I am tired tho.