2015 recap

For me 2016 is only but five hours and 30 minutes into its conception and here I am wide awake walking along the beach doing a blog post. It doesn’t sound the best but at least it beats waking up with a stinking hangover.

To celebrate the New Year here was a gift for you that I received just the other day. Just a quick heads up this one is not suitable for work.

This picture comes courtesy of the German one who sent this to me despite me not hearing from her any point over the festive period.

This includes me wishing her a very happy Christmas and a good New Year for both her, her family and her boyfriend. I’m playing the  I really don’t care but I’m going to be overly nice to you card extremely well.

It really does make me wonder why she would send me a picture like this, not that I’m complaining but still I would like to know the reasoning behind it.

 

The German One

This is going to be quite a comprehensive blog post so if I can find out a way to anchor subheadings properly his what I’m going to break 2015 down into.

ramblings.

Work – Do people know what they want?

Moving and inheritance
Family

Reltationships.
Kids

 

Rambling.

For whatever reason this year I really didn’t have any Christmas spirit or feeling. I don’t know why but it just really never hit home. I know I’m a big cynic when it comes to Christmas but I’ve always said that I do like Christmas Day but even that felt like just another day.

It could be that this year decided it was going to be amongst its most challenging, it could be the fact that Christmas actually did start earlier this year. Last year to push the Christmas started on 18 November but this year it started on the 11th.

The work situation.

I bring this up because one of my ex-colleagues who was claiming benefits I found out the other day is also running a company on the side. I will be honest with you and I’m having serious thoughts about informing the relevant services to say that he is running a business and claiming benefits.

It’s a bit of a Dick move but the only thing that’s stopping me is my unhealthy obsession with karma. Then again he made his choice by stabbing me in the back all of those years ago so perhaps I should go with what comes around goes around.

 

to give you an example of just how messed up my world of calm is. Christmas Eve I saw an ex of mine from a couple of years ago and she still looked is beautiful now as she did then. You know when you see someone you haven’t seen in ages and instantly fall in love with them all over again. That’s her.

Walking along with a smile on my face reminiscing about all times I turned the corner and there he stands, one of my old bosses who was instrumental in my firing from a very well-paid job.

You really can’t make this sort of stuff up.

I used to be a big believer that if you did good things good things would happen to you. Perhaps these days if you do good things it just stops bad things happening to you but bad things will still happen.

Coming back to my ex friend of mine he has it all. He has his own house which was given to him by his dad, a wife who is at the very most “half tidy”, a baby, friends, decent car and all of the trappings you would associate with someone of the middle classes. All of this gain from shooting me in the back.

 

Some might say I should approach 2016 with a bigger sense of optimism but I’ve tried that in previous years gone past hence here I am at 5:33 AM walking along the beach on New Year’s Day/

Believe it or not January is one of my favourite months. We have the Lakeside arts starting this Saturday and it does feel like the start of the winter is just about to happen. I will take being freezing cold any day over wind and rain.

Hopes and ambitions.

First off I hope to get a semi-decent job my ambition is that it doesn’t completely suck. Due to the job centres ever demanding nature I’ve had to maintain my job searching over the Christmas period. Not exactly easy when everything and anyone is closed for this time of year.

the best I can hope for is that the next job I go to is a simple interview process by this I mean it doesn’t involve me fancy create a painstaking PowerPoint presentation for a position that theoretically I should stand a good chance of getting but realistically I never do.

This isn’t a case of being pessimistic but just simple realities. On more than one occasion I’ve been for a position and they’ve ended up hiring something completely different from the brief they specified.

last year I went for a position of a information technology and tourism officer job. They wanted someone who could help develop businesses, work business to business, provide IT courses, help with social media, come up with marketing strategies, help businesses get online and a whole lot more.

Having run my own business and been involved in this area I was more than amply qualified.

I pitch my presentation at branding and marketing, getting to work closely with businesses to identify their needs and whether struggling and how we might help.

I answered all of their questions including giving a killer reply when asked “what would you do to make a business successful”.
I said “each business is different and unique and there is no magic wand you can wave to make any business successful you have to judge and look each business individually”.
Well, I was impressed with the answer anyway LOL.

There were five candidates in total and obviously I was one of them. I made the final three because of my presentation and then the final two because one candidate was simply ruled out in terms of experience.

In the end they ended up giving the job to a teacher to deliver IT lessons. I kid you not they hired a retired teacher.

To be fair the warning signs were there from the start. The initial job role was a nice concise A4 sheet outlining the skills, roles and responsibilities along with the sort of person they were looking for.

When I got the email back from the agency they said that you may wish to consider reading this additional material to prepare for your interview. Said additional material was a 52 page document upon which I had to base a 10 minutes presentation.

you could tell straight away there were just firing ideas into the sky and seeing what worked. Basically they had applied for government funding and put down any and every idea they could think of to get it.

The second warning sign came when they told me they only have two years of government funding for this initiative to get off the ground. After this time they would have to become self-sufficient. When I went for the interview they were already six months into the government funding and  had only just got around to advertising this position.

I picked up on this and during the interview I said where’d you see this position on this company going? Do you see a a drop-in service or something that will become a revenue generating centre.

One of the panel seemed genuinely excited by this and I think it tweaked with him that they are going to run out of money sooner rather than later and they need to be putting themselves in a position where they could be some sort consultancy. the other two women sat there with their arms crossed saying nothing.

Of course I find it incredibly funny to see this job advertised again six months after I had originally applied for it.

She can see why I’m not optimistic about getting work in this area. Or more than one occasion I found that people don’t actually know what they want and because of that they choose a clone of themselves and more or less end up in the same situation as before.

Moving and inheritance

I think it finally sunk in towards the latter end of 2015 by have to leave the idyllic surroundings of Pembrokeshire and try to get back to not only society but places where I realistically stand a chance of getting some work.

However this has been ultimately hampered by my gutless and toothless so-called solicitor and it all hinging on my dad’s inheritance.

I can see a couple of options of what to do and in no particular order.

By an auction property. These are incredibly rare and you need to invest a lot of money in developing skills to bring it up to scratch. Unfortunately most of the properties I’ve seen have been in areas that are socially and economically deprived. I have heard that through mid Wales a are looking at electrifying the railways and this might increase house prices because all of a sudden commuting from rural village might be possible.

The second option is to look at buying a townhouse or flat sme and what little money I have left over to make it into a home.I could just about afford to get a pokey little flat near or around city. If I own that property outright then there’s no reason I couldn’t come back here at weekends

Third option is to get a plot of land, stick a caravan on their and sit on it. In this area there has been a land grab and pretty soon it’s going to run out so by getting some land and just waiting for a few years could be a possible option. This also gives me the ability to pay off my debts, make some investments and at least be warm.

Family.

The highlight of the year for family -related matters has been hearing from my half-sister. Granted it has been a bit of a play at times just to get some money from me but it least we’re talking and that’s better than nothing.

it still pieces meal I see pictures of the other side of the family on holiday, in the sun, new television, newly decorated house and yet put me through the ringer trying to claim that they were poor.

I chose not to send a Christmas card again this year. Why bother? Next year I will do because of Chloe.

Relationships

sThe last serious relationship I had didn’t exactly go well. I thought everything was okay right up until the moment I found out I had been cheated on not once but three times. On one occasion she even introduced me to a guy she slept with on a night out. I can’t explain why on that particular night I decided to go to town and surprise her by meeting up with her randomly.
Hindsight been the mother of all inventions I knew back then something wasn’t right and low and behold my prophecy became true.
The first guy she cheated on me with was particularly clever as it was devastating. I paid for her to go on holiday, her flights and accommodation and the night before she flew she stayed over in Bristol and hooked up with a guy.
The time she didn’t sleep with him but looking at the text messages it was going to happen.
What made this particularly upsetting was that every Friday I used to play darts. What better time to going plan to meet somebody.
What really gets me though is her friend supporting her on the last affair and then so she could get sympathy about our relationship not being the best she just simply said I was mad at her, forgetting the important bit but she had cheated on.

We still remain friends and something could have maybe progressed into a more long-term situation but I don’t want to be with anyone and be paranoid all the time. I have enough paranoia dealing with general members of the public let alone someone cheating on me.
I feel bad that I I treated Emily flashed year. She was a really nice last and what attracted me to her was her apparent need not be clinging or be needy. That lasted all of two weeks.
I ended things by taking the coward’s way out and dropped off the planet. In my defence I had become a raging and depressed alcoholic. Something that is not easy to but she deserve better.
There was also Helen last year. I met with her for a coffee and the some reason she felt the need to talk to me about her previous sex life, the open relationship she has with a previous partner. She also has three kids and for what I gather her relationship didn’t end too well, when I say relationship I mean her marriage.
Said she was sending me pictures of her topless and other bits of the body.
A few weeks ago I tested the waters with her by sending her a couple of pictures of me and the response I got made me laugh “well, why did you send me that, what are you trying to say?)
Needless to say that was a bit of a kick in the confidence department.
Still regularly talk and apparently she Mrs hearing from me on the days I don’t sent her a message and other such stuff like that.
She has suggested meeting up for a coffee in a couple of weeks time but I’m not sure if I am comfortable with that because after one of my many alcoholic fuel depressed states I revealed too much to her about my personality, depression, social anxiety. To be fair she asked and I answered.

Cheers nice, I would be honest to say that I don’t particularly find her attractive and I know that’s a shallow thing to say and class someone with three children and giving the distance the sons aren’t exactly adding up for me. My son shallow but I don’t want to invest myself to heavily.
Then there was the German one. It’s taken me since October to fully recover and get over her. Last I heard from her she has a boyfriend who she is happy classing out of boyfriend providing she gets to see him every couple of months or so, I suggest something similar?
Anyways like I said at the top of this post after not hearing from him for a week she sends me a naked photo of herself. I have an knowledge the photo or made any comments about it.
It’s taken a while to learn that she is incredibly self-centred.
Anyone else I would turn to in casual conversation about going to the hospital, going for a job interview would make a token gesture of politeness to ask how did it go. Not Nina.
It was a lesson weren’t and perhaps one of the biggest failures in life world. I still don’t understand how I managed to sleep with a girl for three days be completely naked around her with her being completely naked and nothing happened.
One friend of mine said I missed a trick, funny that they always seem to have that problem, saying that what I should have done is turned my back on her.
So stupid but it does make for good advice. This leads me onto the next section in my 2015 read.

Children.

I remember the moments when I was with this certain lady, I came, and at that moment I had the strangest thought in my head that for whatever reason what just happened between us felt different.
I remember precisely where I was when I had a text message followed by a phone call announcing she was pregnant. There was a week Between me and her partner.
Despite being told I can have kids from a very early age I have that feeling of ecstasy thinking I might actually be a father.
The thought of having a child never really appealed to me if I’m honest until that moment I was told she was pregnant.
Of course things are never simple in my world and she’s been with her current partner for, well since the time she left school really and she already has another child.
If she had been single then it really would have been a no-brainer for us to move in together, maybe be a catalyst for sorting myself out, and of course marriage.
I don’t think you should get married for the sake of children but saying as we had, and I need to emphasise the word had, been seeing each other Ollie North for 10 years I would have happily married her.
Not only is she attractive, funny, and incredibly clever but there was always been a connection between us. She really is the one that got away.
Sadly she no longer speaks to me through her choice. She said she couldn’t cope with being my friend any more and cut me off completely.
For what it’s worth I did the test and of course it came back with a very, very, very low probability of being able to have children.
I am never thought to myself what would I do if it had been mine. I guess there is a very small probability and hopefully sometime in the future we can have a blood test done just to make things I hunch percent official but the timing was strange.
Just as I am told that there is a possibility of me being a father, I stand to inherit some money.
Like I said, I don’t know whether to believe in karma or not.
She is the one I really miss the most. But when I think about it I know she’s done the right thing by not talking to me. If you to look at this with cold clinical eyes it makes sense.
She has a good job, two children, a house, a boyfriend who spoiled her rotten with holidays, presents and I know I wouldn’t have been able to give her anything like that.
Yes, relationships are just about how much money you spend on each other we have to be able to give someone a decent life. At least in my opinion.
The the has been one thing issue which has remained the same. People coming go but they go more often than they come.
A cold hard fact of it is that any relationship I have been in has failed by least those people who I have been with have gone on to find the actual one true partner.
Sometimes however I wish it was me and fate and fortune would smile upon me.
Happy New Year

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2015 recap

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