Depression, tired, repeat

15:00
It’s taking every single ounce of energy I have not to fall asleep at my desk. Food has been consumed, cups of tea downed and nothig it working. Making this all the more worse is the phone call I just had about going to bar and bells.

So leave work at 5. 25 minutes to the pub to try and find some trainers, 40 minutes to the gym, work out but at least there;s a shower that’s not going to cost the earth, 30 mins home. Hoping to be in spoons by 9. Thursday has to be some down time.

1700
Leave work, get to the pub, get stuff. Sit down for 2 mins, fuel up, Drive to lesuire centre.
Got a phone call on the way asking where I am… Crap sesion starts at 1810 not 1830. Depression and feeling crap hits me like a bag of nails

1815.
Got changed in the car (again) ran in and saw them warming up. ALmost went back in to join BUT they were moving onto the actual session. I see EE check her phone before working out. Bless. Have I said shes amazing?

I watch for a bit and shes constantl smiling that smile she smiles. Amazing to see but then sadness hits me like a brick. ALmost tempted to go home but instead I opt for a swim.

£5.80 later, £2 refundable for the locker key I’m swimming or drowning less quickly might be the better saying. It’s a struggle, constantly battling negative mind talk.

Sometime later I see her up on the balcony. Grr what is it about her. Anyways she invites me over for tea. Reluctanlty accepting I push on swimming and finish at 1.2k

Sauna, shower, change, text, get one back back saying doors open.

I walk in.. immediatly asked whats up.. I try and shrug it off. She can see right through me and doesnt let it drop til I tell her.

We hug which is amazing. Im not the sort who’s touchy feely or perhaps I have been just not realised it.

Talking, eating, met the kids who I’m starting to be ok around. Didn’t leave till just gone 10. 25 min drive home which was great. Into bed and spark out… Actually feeling better. Was it the swim or the company?

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Depression, tired, repeat

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