Silence & Spending the day in bed

Sounds stupid given the title but I’ve officially now not said more then 2 words to a human being in 24 hours.  Those were thank you as I attempted a last minute raid to Tesco to see what special offers there were.

I’ve spent all day in bed. I couldn’t be bothered getting up what so ever. Just didn’t seem any point.  Morning went like this

7am. Alarm goes off. Turn off
7.14. Listen to radio pretending that I’m going to get up after the next song honest.
10am.  So looks like I listened for the hour till the radio goes off and fell asleep
10.30. Watch twitch. Fall asleep
2.pm Get up. Head to sofa.. veg and watch YouTube
7pm ish.  I’ve been sleeping / watching crap on TV for the longest time.  Jesus H Christ Im watching youtube about the day in the life of a lorry driver. I Kid you not.
9pm. Sod it I’m off to spoons
9.44pm. Home. Spoons is closed, visited Tesco.  Decided to write a blog post even tho the only thing people come here for is the Jennifer Aniston Post.

That’s what my life has become.  Hmm you think I might be depressed?

Silence & Spending the day in bed

The interview and Lynette

Monday.

Phone rings from unknown caller. Is a post alcoholic fuzz it turns out to be someone local calling seeing if I was after work. Even better I’d interviewed before so it wasn’t a agency. Just one slight issue I’ll come to later.

Tuesday

At least I think it is. I’ve lost count of days now. It’s either light or dark. When it’s light I don’t drink. When it gets dark let’s just have one. I know I have a problem. I’m cutting back till Oktoberfest where I’ll inevitably have a melt down. Every person there is taller. Smarter. Richer. Better. Ffs my mind hurts

I got the email today asking me to interview I think on Thursday. Suppose I should research and look into it. That’s for tomorrow. I reply in the afternoon with the usual false positivity and optimism I can muster for such events.

Wednesday

Went and did some work. Log. And painful. Why can’t anyone remember their passwords.

It’s genuinely interesting to see people go all in on the iPad. Yes it’s going back to simplicity but it’s just missing something. Websites don’t account for the screen. Apps. Don’t get me started.

Made amends with a a friend who had already helped me out by getting me a shirt so I don’t look like I’m homeless all the time.

Seriously. Check out this image. These are all my unpaired socks.

Slept better knowing we had made amends. The future is looking not so great for a business adventure we are working on but that’s for another post.

Thursday

It’s pissing down. Friend helps me choose a shirt and I feel ok. I cram the details for the question in the interview “what do you know about us”

As I make the walk across the car park in the pissing rain I’m struggling with the door. Bloody thing is jammed. Oh wait no it’s not. Press button to enter. So I do. And wait.

And Lynette walks past. Fuxkkk. Thank god the bell had rang moments earlier. Collision missed.

I had banked on probability to miss her. What are the chances of bumping into an ex / old friend / fuck buddy / whatever we were.

Stupid marxworld. You should of known. Probability doesn’t work.

I sign in, talking quietly and sound travels and I don’t want to let her know I’m here. Trying all out to avoid seeing her or raise the alarm metal gear solid style.

I sit down. Studying my notes and I’m distracted by high heels. Instinctively I know it’s Lynette.

Stupidly I look up. “Heya how you doing. You ok ?”

“Yeah good thanks” and I go back to my phone.

The only thing saving me right now is my focus on numbers, trying to retain facts.

Facts and data that wasn’t needed as it was beyond informal. Richard is a touch nervous. He’s obviously a script / network guy.

As for the interview it went ok. I spotted areas where I screwed up. I’m too honest and friendly. But after half an hour and hearing I have w 50/50 chance because there’s another guy to interview who “I’ve not met before” I’m out the office.

Thursday evening

Honestly I know I screwed up. I’m not meant to be around people. But I got taken aback.

The reason I don’t want to hear from her is although I hope she is happy and I genuinely mean that. I don’t want to hear about it.

The interview and Lynette

Negative Mind Talk. “Just shut up”

These are the words that ik telling myself more than a few days a week recently. Im telling the inner voice that likes to tell me how many mistakes ive made and constantly remjnd me of whar an asshole i am.

Some weeks its better than others. It may only raise it’s voice one ir two days a week. Other times its more a never ending stream, like a tap that just wont stop dripping no matter how hard you turn the tap.

A trip to Tesco means going past the gluten free aisle. That then remjnds me of Rachael, which reminds me of happy times which then brings me down and then the voice likes to tell me in detail how i fucked up and she was the one i wanted to marry.

Day after day. Week after week.

Ill write more about ny dating disasters soon enough.

Negative Mind Talk. “Just shut up”

Cute “spoons” girl is back

2 years ago when I split with Emma I sought solace in my local Wetherspoon. There was this incredibly cute girl who would sometimes be on.

Now and again we would get to chatting. I’ll admit I did have a sad deluded dream about maybe something happening to her but for the most I knew it wouldn’t, girls like thar always have a boyfriend but it was just nice to hear her voice.

When I say cute, she has thar cute thing. Short, nice smile, did I mention the voice? See when you talk to girls like this who joke about the crap they watch on Netflix such as charmed and other girly films you’re always waiting for the “and the other half can’t stand it either” or the inevitable drop / hint they aren’t single. I don’t believe I ever got that but then again I’m dumb as well as ugly.

Anyways a couple of weeks later I could tell that something was up and I just asked is everything ok.

“I’m not ready to talk about it yet”

Right there and then I knew she was pregnant. Over the next few weeks she went from cute to damn beautiful. Don’t ask my why but some women with a baby bump make me go weak.

Her shifts changed. Saw her less and less and like most things. She simply disappeared and I’ll admit I forgot about her till today.

Saturday. Into spoons. Sit I a corner to watch the world and avoid trouble and there’s this cute girl with glasses who’s getting noticed by me.

It’s spoons girl.

Of course having a baby changes the body but honestly I can’t see it.

Just like my dating things are maybe already awkward. She recognised me, I say hello and since that very moment she’s not been in the same room as me.

You’re being paranoid I hear you say.

Nope. She’s doing tables and it’s gone from scouring every single table and bar Matt to nothing.

Am I that offensive? Wait I know the answer.

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For those that don’t realise I’ve reached the end of the rainbow when it comes to dating

Cute “spoons” girl is back