You can make someone laugh. Be clever )in my limited world) but all that counts for. I thing unless your tall and have “the gift”.
I’m going to make a couple of predictions. Number one probably not single for anything more than six months.
If we last post half a pint it’s going to be a miracle. I suspect she’s going to order a soft drink.
That I want even worse than I thought it could’ve ever gone. It turns out that she is way thinner than her website profile so I was quite surprised when she walked in and my jaw hit the floor.
I should pre-face this with the fact that just yesterday she was at a funeral with a friend of her dads so tonight was never going to be a possibility of anything happening.
And this is the thing that was a few moments we were making eye contact and I genuinely thought there might be a chance, that may be something between us but as always it all went wrong.
Things were going well until I jokingly said okay, ask me any three questions in the world and then she suddenly got on the defensive saying why do you have to force the conversation. I simply said that wasn’t my intention to put Mimi to keep the conversation going.
After a few minutes later it turns out that she’s never been asked to her opinion before and no one is asked to play with her.
Why do I always meet the women who have issues.
I hate being me, every single moment of existence is just a moment in pain and misery. No matter what I trying to do, no matter how I try and change, I always end up with the same result.
I have literally tried every single way possible not to be me, I’ve tried every single way possible to try and get a different outcome from any dates that I’ve been on. And yet no matter what I do it’s always the same thing. I’m nothing but a fucking conduit
I am the placeholder, I’m the first date after a bad relationship, I’m the first person they think “I will give this ago” before they realise they need something else.
I am the person who when women say “I’m not sure what I want” that is true but the one thing they know they don’t want is me in their life.
To Catherine phone tonight. She’s only been single for three months, well it’s a little bit longer than that but obviously is complicated and I’m the first fucking guy she decides to go out with. What a fucking chance do I have?
I’m fuming at myself because no one moment she had a genuine look in your eyes worry thought that maybe, just maybe I might stand a chance. As always I managed to fuck it up I know were walking on my way home again, alone!
To compound matters further I’ve deleted her completely from my phone. For which some reason she’s taken great offence to. I’m the one who’s been blown out and getting all her anger and yet because I delete her from my phone she’s a outraged .
I get a small lie in tomorrow and I can’t wait. Because I don’t have to walk the dogs in the morning. I see a small lying because I want to be in work by 8 am so I can legitimately get away a little bit earlier.
Any reason I’m doing this blog is because I’m going for a quick walk to close all of my exercise rings I’m not going to be pretty much the biggest but sadly only reason why I’m going to miss walking the dogs.
Also documented said many times before I don’t understand the logic between having a highly strong and active spaniel who longs to be outside all day running around alongside what I think is a normal spaniel who is downright lazy and literally just wants to go outside, have a wee, have a poo and eat some shit to start the whole process all over again.
I have no dates over the next couple of days I’m going to get told just to go to the holiday was and how nice it was and all of that stuff and I have a sneaky feeling his wife will be moved in sooner rather than later.
Right now fuck all of that. I’ve had a fairly decent day with no real grumbles to be honest.
Third day on the trot now I’ve woken up at around about 4 am and then that’s it. I never seem to be able to get back to sleeping. I know I’m not sleeping because I know I’ve been dreaming and I can clearly remember dreaming but not the dream, apart from last night.
I think I’d lost a sock or something like that and I seem to remember searching a few places over and over not being able to rest till I found it. I’ve even tried telling myself that hello, this is my own mind, get a grip and take control. But that doesn’t seem to work.
When I wake up in the morning I’m feeling quite anxious knowing they haven’t had a proper nights sleep. As I’ve written a play before I do enjoy a good Paul now, especially after work. It’s nothing like I’ve literally 15 minutes of shuteye to help rebuild the brain I think transition from work to home.
As I’ve said many times before I do enjoy a 15 minute hard power nap. It’s like a way of separating the two parts of the day work and then home not to mention the scientifically proven benefits of doing so.
Other random site notes:
- Nobody is sure when my neighbour is going to return. Meaning that yours truly is left with starting a new job and having to deal with his dogs.
- I’ve also realised why I can’t relax without the neighbours. Everything is covered in dust and mock which means to chillout I have to go and get changed into scruffy close I don’t mind getting dirty.
- And every morning no matter how late at night I take the dog for a walk one of them kindly leaves me a massive pile of shit to clear up in the morning.
Nothing really to report at the moment. The guys that I’m working with seem okay if a little bit power hungry for whatever reason. It strikes me a little bit of someone needing to show that they are the boss but Hayhoe. I’m just keeping my head down and waiting for the payday.
The actual physical job itself isn’t too hard but it does require an awful lot of concentration and it’s also incredibly repetitive and monotonous. The good news is that I can come in early on Sundays which means I can leave early which suits me completely down to the ground. If I can get in work for 8 am and leave by 4 pm leg is me breathing space to do other stuff I want to do.
Nothing like having a job doing the old 9-to-5 to make you realise that you could be doing other stuff.
I’ve done a good deed today. My new potential landlord knocked on my door asking if I had a heater they could borrow. Turns out the pump for the central heating in the office was broken and “the boys” were freezing their socks off.
Of course it wasn’t just as simple as going back to my old place to pick up a heater for them. I ended up going to local post office, going to the garage, going back to the old place, waiting for a delivery, and then heading back to drop off the heaters.
I wasn’t asking for a medal but something more than a grunt from the guy behind the desk when I said I’m dropping off some heaters for you might of been nice but that’s not the point of doing something nice is it.
After all of this it was finally time to get my van in for its long, long overdue service. On my recent trips to both Weymouth and London I could tell she wasn’t running particularly clean and when towing my horsebox she certainly wasn’t happy. Why is it I always refer to vehicles as a female?
Quite literally a few hours later can you guess how much it cost for an oil change and for filters to be changed? £152 which is an absolute bargain as the last quote I had was about 300.
The rest of the day has been fairly complicated with discussions between me and my ex business partner. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t love the arse off this woman. Of course she’s married as they all are.
Tomorrow is my first shift doing some part-time work for local IT company. They offered me a job last year which didn’t work out because I was holding on to the job I already had. Plus I have the distinct feeling that their business practices were just a little bit dodgy.
Well when I say dodgy I’m not sure if I should be seeing incredibly clever. We seem to go into companies and patch things up to get them working but they never end up working quite right. This means that they get another call out to come and fix an issue which wasn’t properly rectified in the first instance.
Another shining example is that they’ve just increased their incident support charge, which basically means answering the problem if you have an issue, from 35 payments to £45. One small company of around about three office employees is paying about £600 per month for their services.
I honestly couldn’t work out if this was their business model or if they just aren’t good enough to fix the problems fully.
The problem I have is that they want me to do network cabling for two weeks which is basically going to consist of making up a long ass network cables and put in the connectors on the end. Something of which I am utterly shit at doing.
Honestly I don’t want to fail and end up doing a bad job but it’s just something that I’m not very good at doing. What we should’ve done is get someone from the office to do this job at a more basic rate and let me do IT support which is one of the things I’m good at doing. Honestly I don’t want to fail and end up doing a bad job but it’s just something that I’m not very good at doing. What we should’ve done is get someone from the office to do this job at a more basic rate and let me do IT support which is one of the things I’m good at doing.
And on that note it’s 11 pm, Kevin and Perry go large is on TV yet again and I’m going to get into bed with a nice glass of wine. That’s if this dog ever goes for a fucking shit and stop pulling my arm off.
This morning I had a visit from an animal rescue shelter to check out my suitability for adopting a dog.
My life has been chaotic, namely an utter shambles and I realised I’ve just been in awaiting pattern of just well waiting for things to happen instead of trying to make things happen. Before anybody reads this and thinks that the decision to adopt a rescue dog is some sort of fix all bandage what’s going on in my world believe you me it isn’t.
When I was talking to the amazing lady from the rescue shelter it became clear that a dog isn’t just a dog, although I already knew this, it’s a companion. And believe me even more it’s a decision that I haven’t taken easily.
The resident single day which passes that I don’t miss my two dogs. Biscuit I got for an ex partner of mine when she was just a puppy. We instantly bonded and I mean instantly bonded the moment we met. The resident single day which passes that I don’t miss my two dogs. Biscuit I got for an expartner of mine when she was just a puppy. We instantly bonded and I mean instantly bonded the moment we met. There was a litter of about eight puppies and I sat down on the floor trying to work out what one would be a great companion and then suddenly they all ran off, probably in pursuit of food. To came back and I ended up going home with biscuit who but then was called Princess by her owners. It didn’t take long to work out why she was called princess because she was a bit of a madam back then.
She came up to me on my lap and licked my face and I had a little bit of facial hair, she shook her head as if to say what the hell is this run off came back and that was it.
Later down the road she would live up to her princess name by doing stupid things such as if I was ignoring her for just a little bit too long, for example she’s just had a nap and now the world needs now she’s awake, she would eventually make her way to standing on my computer desk.
She really was the ultimate take anyway dog and I like to think that I trained her to be like that because well basically are used to take it to the pub quite a lot on a Saturday. What better place to meet other people, other dogs than a public house?
Nowadays I barely get to see them sadly as they live with my ex partner and her new husband. I’m 99% sure they have a better quality of life with them not with me but I will bet you this she doesn’t have anywhere near as much fun. There are many pictures of biscuit being completely ridiculous when I run the dog, toffee, would make her play for attention to biscuit was climb up on the back of the sofa just so she could be close. Because you never know she might miss out on something. Then God for bid on any of the cats wanted any retention and that would be too much for her as she have to come up again on the back of the sofa but this time with a paw touching me or something as if to say “Ahem dad don’t forget about me”.
A couple years ago my cat passed away as well. This was during the split up with my ex partner as well. So in the space of a few weeks I went from having a girlfriend, two dogs, my cats, and her other two cats to absolutely nothing. A couple years ago my cat passed away as well. This was during the split up with my ex partner as well. So in the space of a few weeks I went from having a girlfriend, two dogs, my cat, and her other two cats to absolutely nothing.
And this is why some two years later after some soul-searching I have decided that I’m going to try and have another animal in my life. And that’s why I am after a companion dog.
I think it’s become clear recently that this isn’t an exercise in trying to find a coping mechanism and more of an exercise of trying to move on. Just like my ex partner moved on with her current partner so easily.
If I’m going to be completely honest I’m not 100% sure that this this is the best idea but if I wait around in life trying to wait for a sign or something to say do it I’m literally just wasting my life.
This is also the reason why I’ve chosen this particular breed and from this rescue shelter because it’s all about the welfare of the dog I’m not the person. If it turns out that we don’t get on or my life takes a significant change then at least I know the dog will be fully cared for. That’s not to say I’m getting a dog because I have a backup plan I’m talking purely from the animal welfare point of view.
Whenever possible I Willian trying to write a few positive posts about what’s going on in my world. I did want to write “probably nothing will happen, but I’ve tried” but I’m not sure if that was seen as positive or negative.
Fingers crossed. I have this notion in my head of having a road trip buddy and asked them on the way to places. The campervan fully kitted out I’m just doing things. And yes I am aware that is hugely idealistic but sometimes, some days that’s just me.