Carten, Job Done

Its the weekend of the Carten. This is a mammoth 106 mile ride from Cardiff to Tenby. Now that may seem like madeness but the true insanity starts after mile 65.

Thats where you start hitting the hills and after the adreneline of the start and seeing people in front of you, this is where the real pain factor starts.

This year was hard knowing that no one was going to be at the end to celebrate, no fan support along the track. Nothing.

This year I was some 7 minutes slower than before but that’s ok as the stretch of 4 miles gradual climbing didn’t beat me, i didnt break and I got to speak to a stupidly amazingly attractive woman cyclinst who I though was called Liv but that turned out to tbe the name of her bike.

2 weeks time it’s the tour of Pembrokeshire.. Thats going to be hard. Less distance, double the hills.

Carten, Job Done

Cheerio work

You know the day isn’t going to go well when your personnel manager walks in, wondering where you manager is and given I’ve seen emails which point to my imminent firing. Sheesh.

So the meeting room is booked and I think I’m out of here by three as there the manager never comes into the office for two days.

Will post more as the day goes along.

1142. C1 has just gone for his meeting with manager. Now this week he’s been incredibly friendly with me. Even CHATTING to me about work and non work things. This I find odd as he’s only ever happy when I’m on my ass.

said it before but worth saying again. I’m managed by a manager who’s here once a month and a guy who’s so close the the spectrum he might as well be called Clive Sinclair.

1212. Clive and manager are back.

1250. C2 and manager go for their meeting. I’ve developed a chesty cough and need some mess. Taking an unhealthy amount of drugs to get though today.

1356. Here we go.

Cheerio work

Depression, tired, repeat

15:00
It’s taking every single ounce of energy I have not to fall asleep at my desk. Food has been consumed, cups of tea downed and nothig it working. Making this all the more worse is the phone call I just had about going to bar and bells.

So leave work at 5. 25 minutes to the pub to try and find some trainers, 40 minutes to the gym, work out but at least there;s a shower that’s not going to cost the earth, 30 mins home. Hoping to be in spoons by 9. Thursday has to be some down time.

1700
Leave work, get to the pub, get stuff. Sit down for 2 mins, fuel up, Drive to lesuire centre.
Got a phone call on the way asking where I am… Crap sesion starts at 1810 not 1830. Depression and feeling crap hits me like a bag of nails

1815.
Got changed in the car (again) ran in and saw them warming up. ALmost went back in to join BUT they were moving onto the actual session. I see EE check her phone before working out. Bless. Have I said shes amazing?

I watch for a bit and shes constantl smiling that smile she smiles. Amazing to see but then sadness hits me like a brick. ALmost tempted to go home but instead I opt for a swim.

£5.80 later, £2 refundable for the locker key I’m swimming or drowning less quickly might be the better saying. It’s a struggle, constantly battling negative mind talk.

Sometime later I see her up on the balcony. Grr what is it about her. Anyways she invites me over for tea. Reluctanlty accepting I push on swimming and finish at 1.2k

Sauna, shower, change, text, get one back back saying doors open.

I walk in.. immediatly asked whats up.. I try and shrug it off. She can see right through me and doesnt let it drop til I tell her.

We hug which is amazing. Im not the sort who’s touchy feely or perhaps I have been just not realised it.

Talking, eating, met the kids who I’m starting to be ok around. Didn’t leave till just gone 10. 25 min drive home which was great. Into bed and spark out… Actually feeling better. Was it the swim or the company?

Depression, tired, repeat

Counselling and a casual hookup

Councelling went well today. Its great when someone helps points out something that you didnt see. Take my review the other week where Im told not to be sociable and not talk to people this much. After that I pretty didnt speak to anyone from Friday to monday, seeingly entering into a braindead state, not realising this till today.

Continue reading “Counselling and a casual hookup”

Counselling and a casual hookup